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She wiped her nose with the back of her hand, nodding.
Afterwards, Nikkos gave each of the girls a ginger candy, and he and Blaze retired to their room. A servant brought in a big, wooden tub, and the girls and I had our first warm bath in days. It felt so wonderful to scrub off the grime we’d collected on our travels. I climbed out of the tub, drying my hair by the fire while the girls splashed and played.
As I was about to wrap a threadbare towel around my breasts, I caught a glimpse of my nude body in the cracked wall mirror. I wondered what it would feel like to have my mates’ hands on my round and full breasts, my nipples pebbled even in the warm air by the fire. Closing my eyes, I imagined them touching me, their calloused yet gentle hands in my hair and between my legs. The thought of their skin branding mine made my spine tingle with anticipation. Would I let them go further than a kiss tonight? Would I let them claim what so many men before them had tried to take, some by force? I swallowed back those memories, pushing those negative thoughts from my head. I wouldn’t let the ghosts from my past haunt me now and ruin our evening.
I frowned at my reflection in the mirror again, at my narrow waist, my ribs protruding beneath my skin, and worried they would find I was too thin. This winter had been hard, and we’d had to ration food. Of course, the children always had plenty to eat. My mother and I would refuse the last crust of bread so that they had full bellies.
I couldn’t deny I was looking forward to going to Abyssus and trying a tart while drinking tea that wasn’t stale. Most importantly, I was looking forward to giving the girls a better childhood than my own.
We changed into new underthings and pale nightgowns. Blaze had found the girls slipper shoes and patched, though warm, stockings. We also received newish dresses to wear for tomorrow. The dull brown material was coarse, but at least the clothes were clean. Perhaps my favorite gifts were the hair ribbons, however faded, and the worn brush. It felt so good to brush the tangles out of my hair. After I tied it back with a ribbon, I combed the girls’ hair and tied theirs up, too. Together, we sang a song that my mother had sung to us too many times to count.
‘Ribbons for her hair
And flowers for her crown
To turn his head and right her frown.’
I smiled to myself, wondering if I would turn my mates’ heads tonight.
Afterwards, two husky shifter women came in and removed the tub, carrying it straight into my mates’ room. I climbed into bed between the girls, tucking them in tight while praying my mates had killed all the bugs. The girls curled into me, sprawling out across my waist, sucking on their thumbs while I stroked their backs. Oh, how I adored them. I didn’t think I could love children of my own womb more than I loved these two little cherubs.
Aurora blinked up at me, moonlight making her silvery eyes shine like shimmery pools during a winter’s frost. “Will you sing us a goodnight song?”
I stroked her smooth brow. “Of course, baby.” I was in no rush to leave them, and not just because I didn’t like parting with them, but because coward that I was, I was having second thoughts about sneaking into my mates’ room. What if I didn’t want more than a kiss? Would they try to persuade me, force me? I swallowed back my fear. No, my mates were different than most men, thanthosemen.
“Auntie?” Aurora tugged on my braid. “Aren’t you going to sing to us?”
I tapped her nose, forcing dark thoughts out of my mind while smiling down at her. “Of course, angel.”
I closed my eyes, recalling the words to our mother’s lullaby.
‘Sleep, little lambs
And morning will bring
Sunshine and daisies
And new songs to sing.
Rest, little fawns
And when you awake
The grains we will grow
For bread to bake.
Dream, little birds,
Even when you rest
Always will I love
The ones I love best.’
And I meant every word. When I opened my eyes, they were blinking up at me, not a hint of sleep in their eyes.
Ember sniffled, then buried her head against my ribs. Shadows eclipsed my heart. She missed Bethamy, which meant either I or one of my mates would have to go retrieve it from Adrean. Flaming troll turds! We’d never be rid of that ratty little doll.
