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The day before hadn’t been a nightmare. I’d fallen asleep with my head on the bed, body in an uncomfortable rocking chair, bent over to be closer to Ben. The scent of pine and woods had been stripped off him in the operating room. He didn’t smell like Ben. He smelled like Betadine and alcohol, nitrile gloves and plastic. His hand was clammy and limp. I gave it a squeeze, a wave of tears threatening to overtake me when he didn’t respond.
“Benny,” I whispered, standing up from the chair and sitting beside him. I pushed a lock of hair out of his face. Tubes criss crossed his arms and face. All at once, he looked pale and bloated, his skin yellow and his eyes closed. I exhaled a haggard breath, my eyes darting to the other side of the room where his parents lay in each other’s arms. The bench beside the window had been turned into a bed for the night, though I doubt any of us got more than an hour of uninterrupted sleep. Still, seeing them there, tranquil for even a moment, I didn’t want to wake them.
I picked up Benny’s hand and set it in my lap, scooting closer to him.
“Hey.” I squeezed his hand. “You’re supposed to be better today.”
I followed the trail of cords to the monitor behind him, charting the steady rhythm of his heart and the oxygen in his body. The high-pitched beeps had subsided in the hours after the surgery to stop the internal bleeding and this morning, all appeared to be well.
Except he hadn’t woken up.
“I have a secret, Benny.” Tears sprung in my eyes and I lowered my voice. “And I need you to be the first one to know. So it’s going to be very inconvenient if you don’t get up soon.”
I brushed my fingers over his forehead, letting my palm rest on his cheek, avoiding the side with the tubing. I rubbed my stomach, wishing I had told him that morning. Why had it been so important to tell him in person?
Because we had all the time in the world.
“Thea,” Martha rubbed my back, her voice low and placating. “You need some sleep.”
Sleep wouldn’t help. I needed a bottle of tequila and a time machine, but both were an impossibility. Instead I did the next best thing. I distracted myself. I ran my thumb over Benny’s cheek one more time before pulling away.
“I think we all could use something to eat. And a change of clothes,” I said, forcing a smile onto my face. I ran my palm over his torso and stood. “I’ll grab some breakfast from the cafeteria.”
The nurses the night before had tried to talk us into a hotel, but we hadn’t budged, hoping Benny would wake up in the night. With that hope squashed, I wanted to plan for the long-term, and while I’d be fine sleeping on a chair for the next week, Martha and Pete might not fare as well. Besides, even after one day, we could all use some time outside.
I left the room, mind just a little clearer, even as my body ached. I pulled out my phone, flicking past the increasingly frantic texts sent from Benny’s parents the day before.
MILLIE
We just heard. What can we do?
I smiled sadly and pressed the call button.
“Thea,” Millie answered, breath panting and voice frantic. “How are you? How’s Ben?”
“Still unconscious. I’m not sure if we should be thankful for that or not.” I kept my voice level and my eyes on the walls for signs to the cafeteria. “We’re waiting to see the doctor today, but they took him in for emergency surgery last night for internal bleeding. When they wheeled him back, they were optimistic.”
“And how are you holding up?”
“Not well,” I admitted, taking a dogleg left into the lobby. “I’m just trying to get everyone fed this morning and then maybe find a hotel. Can you do me a favor?”
“Anything.”
“We need clothes and a car. Could you and Len pick up my car and drop it off down here?”
“Absolutely. Len’s in the workshop now, but I’m sure he’ll take any excuse to come see how Ben’s doing.”
I frowned, pausing at the entrance to the cafeteria. Doctors and nurses crowded the omelet station and my stomach churned just smelling the eggs and bacon. “Hopefully, we have something positive to tell you. I’ll text you a list of what we need. Thanks, Mil.”
“Love you.”
“Love you, too.” I hung up, on the verge of tears, but thankfully not tipping over into full-blown sobbing. Yet.
Gathering myself, I picked through the breakfast offerings, opting for convenience rather than nutrition. I certainly didn’t want a big breakfast and I doubted Ben’s parents did, either. Anxious snacking sounded more appealing.
I loaded up on Pop Tarts, cereal bars, and fruit, grabbing two yogurts for good measure. While sorting through the fruit for a green apple, Martha’s favorite, I resolved to book a hotel as well. Ben’s parents would argue, but we all needed a shower and some uninterrupted sleep. I paid for breakfast and set the food on a table to search for a hotel nearby. A nice-looking hotel across the street popped up immediately and I made a quick phone call, securing an early check in.
I retraced my steps back to the room, pausing by the barred doors to the ICU. A huddled figure curled up across two chairs, sweatshirt hood over her face. Beside her, Warren Kang sat, fast asleep, head back against the wall and one hand on the person in the next seat. I walked over, nudging the woman awake.
