Page 69 of Hero Worship


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The blue line is fuzzy. It’s not quite right. But it’s not jagged, and it’s not above the red line, like a seizure.

“She’s okay,” Zeus says. “We have time to fix this.”

“You meanyou.All of you.” A wild anger claws its way through my lungs, and through my chest, and through every soft part of me. I’d kill Zeus if I could punch him with my good hand, but I can’t.

“I mean that we’ll consult with whoever we need to consult with. This problem is too big for one person to solve.”

“You mean becauseIcouldn’t do it. I wasn’t enough. God, you’re a bastard. You wanted me to bring her home because you knew I’d fuck it up.”

“Hercules, that’s not—”

“That’sexactlywhat you meant.” I shove at his chest hard enough to lay anybody else out, but Zeus only readjusts his position, like he was planning to do it anyway. “And you know what? You’re fucking right.”

He shakes his head. “I don’t understand.”

“I wasn’t enough for my mother, either. I wasn’t enough for Ollie. They needed more than I could give them.”

“Your friend from the Army? What could you have—”

“Mylife,” I snap. The words feel dirty in my mouth. “That’s what I could’ve given. I could’ve traded with either one of them, and it would’ve been better that way. I’m right back where I fucking started. I can’t do enough for her. And youknewthat.”

“You did everything you could for her, and then some. You did everything I asked—”

“I can’t die.”

His grip tightens on my shoulder. “Nobody in this house wants you to die.”

“Don’tlieto me. Don’t look at me and say that shit. You’d pick her over me any day.” It’s an ugly, curdled truth, and I’ve carried it around with me for so long that it’s calcified. “You’d be right to do it, too. She’s always going to be worth more. She’s not some street orphan with a criminal record. Youloveher.”

“I—”

“Hate me,” I demand. “Hate me starting now, because you’re sure as fuck going to hate me when she dies.”

“No.”

Zeus denies me so lightly that I take a swing at him. A big, drunken swing with all my strength behind it. It’s no small amount. I watch from a distance, outside my body, to see whether I’ll break his nose. Whether I’ll kill him, too.

He bats my hand away before I can touch him.

My balance is fucked from going after him like this, and from being drunk, and I fall forward into him.

Into a hug.

I don’t want it. I don’t want it. Don’t touch me.

“Nobody wants you to die,” he says, his palms warm on my back. Fuck. I was saying all that shit out loud. “Nobody would be happier without you. I wouldn’t be happier. Daisy wouldn’t be happier. We’re keeping both of you. It’s okay.”

“I can’t make her happy if she’s dead.” My voice sounds tight and miserable, and I can’t tell if I’m bleeding from the eyes or crying.

“We’re not going to let her die,” he promises.

“You’re a liar. Why didn’t you say this would happen?”

“Listen.Listen.Because I hoped it wouldn’t. This didn’t happen to Hades until he was older, and the circumstances—I thought we had it under control.”

“This one’s not under control, you bastard.”

“It will be.” Another promise. “It will be. It’ll be fine. We figured it out once, and we can figure it out again. Okay? It’s fine.”

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