Page 72 of Hero Worship


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And, actually, it’s nice that we have to leave every so often. It gives everyone else the chance to argue. With each other. With, from what I can tell, various doctors. With Demeter and her husband.

I’m naked under the sheets in Hercules’s old bedroom when voices rise downstairs. His heart is slow to settle, and I put my hand over it to feel the beat.

“You’d think they’d find something better to talk about.”

He runs his fingers through my hair. “There’s nothing better to talk about than saving you.”

“That’s a little dramatic, don’t you think? I mean…I’m not actively dying. I haven’t had a seizure in two days.”

He huffs. “It could be better. And those fucking things are creeping into every room.”

Even this one. I can feel the nightmare at the door. The growing dark. I’d think it was definitely a hallucination if Hercules couldn’t feel them, too.

“There’s nothing I can do about those.”

“How do youknowthat?” Frustration edges into his voice. “Have you ever tried to control them?”

“Yes? Obviously. I’ve read every book about lucid dreaming ever published in, like, three different languages. I had to learn basic Latin for one of them. I can’t do anything about it.”

“So we’re waiting, then. We’re waiting for the next one to come.”

I don’t say anything.

Eventually, he sighs. “You’re always waiting for the next one.”

“I live between them.” It sounds sad when I say it like that. “That’s what I’ve always done.”

“Baby,” he says.

“I know.”

* * *

We spendtwo days at Zeus’s house, and two nights at mine. Hercules carries me across the yard like an invalid. I amnotan invalid, but everyone seems to have agreed that I shouldn’t spend energy on unnecessary things like walking on my own two feet until they can teamwork their way into a solution.

On the third night, I wake up a little before three.

The thing about sleeping all the time is that I’m also, bizarrely, awake all the time. I have to work at keeping my sense of night and day.

And…why? It’s a lot of work, and I’m tired.

But here I am, three in the morning, wide awake.

So far, Hercules has been staying in a guest room. Frankly, I don’t think that’s going to work out, but I’m willing to try it for appearances’ sake.

A very reasonable voice in the back of my mind sayswhat appearances? He takes you upstairs to fuck, like, twice a day at Zeus’s house.

I don’t know. An appearance, maybe. The idea of appearances.

I get out of bed and go to find him.

His bed’s empty.

The house is quiet, which doesn’t mean anything. He could be sitting downstairs in silence. He could be sitting anywhere. I stop in the hall and listen. My parents are asleep in their bedroom. Conor sleeps close to their bed. I can see his eyes in the dark when he shuffles around to look at me.

“It’s fine,” I tell him, and he lays his head down. His eyes disappear.

I go to find Hercules.

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