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JAMESON
Jails are bullshit.
Look at the damage that’s been wrought by the carceral state and all its attendant dirty money. People in power are incentivized to send less-powerful people to prison and keep them there for absurd periods of time and then—what? Everybody’s hopes and dreams come true?
Hasn’t happened so far.
However.
In thisoneinstance, I can admit that jail might have a purpose. It’s the only thing in the world that’s going to keep me away from the woman I kidnapped and then fell hopelessly, foolishly in love with, like the crime scene I am.
“Empty your pockets,” one of the cops tells me in a dingy intake area. His name’s Pearson. Parson? Something with a P. He sounds bored to death. I wish I felt that resigned to all this bullshit. Iwasresigned when the sun came up over the lake this morning.
A camera flashes in my face. The goal when I kidnapped Lily was to make her obsessed with me, and it worked. Her green eyes were huge and horrified when they put me in the car.
This isn’t funny.She’d wanted to believe the whole thing was a joke. Classic Lily. It took forever to convince her that I was kidnapping her in the first place. It took no time at all to want her.Badly.It took no time to lose my mind to her mouth and her body and the way she talked to me.
But then…my mind’s been gone for years now. It might have been a coincidence.
There’s no point in pretending.
It wasn’t a coincidence.
Having her with me was so good that I’d have chalked it up to a hallucination if my hallucinations were ever that lovely. They’re not. The nightmares I have—night terrors? whatever they are—feature my siblings dying in front of me and the never-ending torture of my own heart still beating.
No soft, red hair. No gentle green eyes. No sweet lips brushing up against my temple.
Lily’s real, which in numerous ways is worse than if she were a figment of my imagination. I can already tell that she’s not going to limit herself to my dreams. She’ll haunt me every second, waking and sleeping, until I have a full break with reality or die, whichever comes first.
“Hill.”
Lily, radiant in sweatpants and a T-shirt, clutching my phone in her hand and staring after me like she thought I could stay. Like she thought my presence would be worth the heartache.
If I could say anything to her now, I’d tell her it’s not. It’s never worth it. Ask my siblings.
Don’t arrest him. I’m so sorry, but you came all the way out here for nothing.
I’ll give her that—she got one thing right. All those cops came out to the cabin for nothing.
Worse than nothing, if I’m totally honest. My life hasn’t amounted to anything except for an extensive criminal record and a pain in the ass for Mason and his company.
Hey, there’s a silver lining, Mason can—
“Jameson.”
Jameson. Stop. Stop. I didn’t ask for this.
Yeah. That’s the thing about a revenge kidnapping. The person who gets kidnapped is a piece on the board. They don’t matter except in the context of the game.
I fucked that up, too.
Lily mattered.
Worse yet, she mattered tome, which is why I’m—
“Jameson.” A hand on my shoulder. Pearson’s face, leaning close. “Did we lose you?”
