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“Oracle asked last night if he could get on my schedule immediately.”
He licks his lips before speaking. “Don’t sleep in my bed if you’re planning on trying to get something started with one of the other guys.”
I swear my heart literally stops in my chest. How did we go from him trying to assure me what I’m being offered is real to him sounding like a jealous psychopath?
“What is this, Vincent?” I snap. “It’s my bed you’ve been sleeping in if you want to get technical.”
His eyes dart over my head. I know this isn’t exactly the best place to have this conversation, but here we are.
“One night you hold me and the next you don’t,” I say. “It’s clear you don’t want me, but now you’re saying don’t bother trying to find someone else.”
It never even crossed my mind to look, but it annoys me to no end at him thinking he can dictate what I do.
“I don’t know. Shit.” He runs his hand over the top of his head, clearly frustrated. “I don’t know what this is or what it could be. I’ve never had to navigate a situation like this before.”
“And you think I have?” I growl, refusing to let the subject just drop. “You’re not obligated to me or the boys. I can manage just fine without you.”
The lack of confidence in his eyes when he looks at me makes me want to cry, and that pisses me off even more. The anger, however, is misplaced. I know just how much I was struggling when he showed up in St. Louis. Being willing to do anything for those kids, even if it meant shoving my pride to the side, was why I didn’t argue much at all when his plan to bring us all to New Mexico came rolling out of his mouth.
He doesn’t verbally clap back at me. He doesn’t bring up how much I struggled when two mouths to feed turned into four. He could easily throw all of that in my face, but for some reason, he doesn’t. I don’t know if he’s waiting, keeping this ammunition to himself so it can all come out at the exact perfect moment in order to wound me the most.
“I’m attracted to you,” he snaps, irritation coating the declaration as if it annoys him that he is.
“Tell me something I don’t know,” I snap. “I think our daughter proves it.”
“I’m also angry that you lied to me.”
He said as much the other night, even going so far as to admit that part of him hates me for what I did. I don’t have a leg to stand on where that’s concerned.
I’d like nothing more than to just walk away from him, but this is a conversation we’ve been needing to have for a very long time.
I take a deep breath. “And how long do you plan to punish me for it?”
His eyes dart between mine. “I don’t know if I would’ve been ready to be a father when you got pregnant.”
His confession sinks inside of me.
“I’m pissed at myself for who I was back then. I’m pissed for being angry at you, even knowing that about myself. I’m pissed for being a hypocrite because I know I’ve made selfish decisions before, too.”
I want to jump in his shit for the implication that I was being selfish, but honestly, I was back then. I wanted Sutton from the very beginning. I didn’t exactly get pregnant on purpose, but I also knew that night how careless I was with remembering to take my birth control. I knew it was always a possibility.
“Do you wish we’d never hooked up that night?” It’s an indirect way of asking if he wished Sutton wasn’t around. As much as I’d like to be sure about his answer, honestly, I’m not. So much hinges on his response.
His head immediately shakes. “Never. I don’t know how it’s even possible to love someone so quickly, but I’d do anything for Sutton and the boys. Somehow it’s as if they filled a void inside of me that I didn’t even know was missing.”
Sutton. The boys.
I haven’t been included in that declaration. It doesn’t go unnoticed.
“What now?” I whisper, trying my best to keep my pain at bay.
Him loving the kids needs to be enough. If they’re loved, then they’re protected, and I have to be okay with that.
“I have Cerberus, and they’re the most supportive group of people. Parenting isn’t easy, but there’s an entire team of people who want those kids to grow up to be happy, healthy adults. That makes it easier.”
“You’re talking like I’m not going to be around.”
His eyes widen. “No. What? Fuck no, Mila.”
