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“You’re what, Mom?” I ask, pulling her closer toward my body. I need her strength.
“Oh, baby. I love you so much. I’m so sorry. I have to prepare you. This is something no one should ever deal with.”
It hits me. And I’m about to vomit “He’s sick. They found cancer in his bloodwork, right?” Now I’m the one who is frantic.
She pulls back, her hands shaking. “No, it’s not cancer or a life or death sickness. And, you’re going to make yourself crazy. Promise me you’ll drive carefully. And don’t overthink. But you have to go to him.”
“Should I pack?”
“No. Take his car. Just grab your phone. I know this is hard, but I need you to concentrate on the road, and nothing else.”
Tears fill my eyes. “I’m so scared mom. I’m so very scared. Is he leaving me?”
My mom’s head drops to my shoulders, and it’s the one question she doesn’t say no to.
* * *
The long drivewaywinds behind a large cluster of trees that hide the A-framed cabin. As soon as I pass in front of the house, following it to the back, where we park, all the lights are on. It’s nearing five in the morning. The sun rises early, but it’s still a little dark outside. More so, it means he’s awake. Noah is a stickler for turning the lights off, always, if they aren’t being used.
I sit in the driver’s seat of his Mercedes, giving myself a moment before I attempt to find him. His father’s truck is where Noah typically parks. I open the door, pulling my tired ass out of it. I steady myself for the impossible. My mother told me I shouldn’t overthink but that was fucking impossible. In what scenario would Noah flee from me, and the love and comfort we share?
I round his dad’s vehicle, and he stands on the back porch.
“Noah, baby?” I call out to his large figure on the back deck.
“Ash, what are you doing here?” Why does he sound mad, as if I’m not his world and he’s not mine?
“You’re my husband. I’m yours. When you can’t walk, I’ll carry you. I’ll forever carry you. Noah, tell me that hasn’t changed in the last twelve hours. What have I done to make you leave me? Are we not as strong as I thought we were?”
“Ash, honey. Fuck, my world is falling apart, and all I wanted was you. It’ll always be you, but—”
“But what?” I take a step toward him, but his hand stops me. I hold on to the railing leading to the deck. He’s less than ten feet away from me but he might as well be a thousand miles. “What did I do to you, Noah, for you to leave us, and leave our kids?”
He steps forward, warring with himself, as though I’m a temptation and we’re the sin.
“Ashton, honey. Fuck, it’s not you. Oh, fuck. Baby, I don’t know how to tell you this. I don’t know how to live without you.”
It’s not hot, yet sweat breaks out through my entire body. “You’re not only scaring me but you’re pissing me the fuck off. We took vows. We made promises, not only to ourselves but to our children. To our future. You’re breaking them by keeping this from me.”
His eyes are stormy, but it’s not what I concentrate on. He erases the distance between us, and he’s so quick I don’t realize I’m in his embrace or that his hands are around my neck, until he has me against the closest tree.
“Don’t you ever fucking accuse me of not being true to our vows or our kids. What I know, what has been revealed to me, is fucking killing me. And it’ll kill you too. It’s why I can’t tell you.”
His hands on my throat is enough pressure, but it won’t hurt me. Even in whatever this is, Noah would never hurt me.
“I love you so much, Ashton. You’re my world. I always thought our love was one for the record books, Ash.”
My reply is loud. “It is. Don’t say it’s not. Don’t ever fucking say we aren’t meant to be.”
There’s enough early morning light that I look upon his tear stained face for the very first time. I reach up to caress his cheeks, and he doesn’t stop me. He leans into my touch. “Whatever this is, we’ll face it together, babe,” I vow like I had on our wedding day.
I don’t know if his resolve breaks or my will is strong, because our lips crash together and we’re two souls connected as one. The way we were meant to be.
“You’re my world, Noah James. You’re my fucking world.” I can’t get enough of him, and rut my hips into his. I need him in a way I’ve never needed him before. But tonight is different. There’s an uncertainty in our future. I’m going to prove it to him, that I’m certain. We’re rock solid together, and nothing will break us apart.
“I need you,” I say in his mouth as our tongues fight for control.
“I need you too, Ash. I need you so fucking much, right fucking now.”
