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Dan studied him. “You didn’t come here to bring me coffee and chocolate deliciousness, did you?”
Gary sagged against the cushions. “Why do I get the feeling I’m an open book to you?”
You havenoidea.
“Maybe you’re easy to read. But you did say you wanted to chat, remember? So what are we chatting about?”
Gary took a long drink of his coffee, then put the cup down on the table in front of them. “Something I didn’t feel comfortable discussing at the precinct.”
Dan arched his eyebrows. “Color me intrigued.” Something fluttered in his belly, and his heartbeat quickened.
“When we were in Travers’s office this morning… I thought you were brave, by the way, speaking out like that. I meant to say as much at the time, but we got called out to Liberty Drive, and….” Gary’s face tightened. “You didn’t owe Lewis an explanation. He was being an asshole.”
“He’s been an asshole since we met in Travers’s office. I’m getting used to it.” When silence fell once more, Dan gave him a speculative glance. “If there’s something you want to ask, please, come right out with it. I promise you, there’s little you can say that will shock me.”
Except if Gary suddenly pointed to the bed and told Dan he wanted them in it, Dan had a feeling his heart might explode.
Gary said nothing for a moment but took another long drink. He set the cup down, straightened, and looked Dan in the eye. “You said you know guys who use GHB. So… maybe I got this all wrong, but I kind of assumed you learned this in an intimate situation. But at the restaurant, you told me you’re wary of relationships, and why. So I guess I was trying to understand how the two match up.”
It felt as if someone had turned the room’s thermostat way up.
Gary flushed. “Don’t get me wrong. I’m glad you have some experience with this. It could be invaluable. God knows who I’d discuss it with if you weren’t here.” His Adam’s apple bobbed sharply. “Actually, I do. I’d have gone straight to Cory.” The flush in his cheeks almost matched his hair color. “You know what? This is none of my business. Forget I asked.”
Dan grabbed his cup and drank, mostly to get his throat to work. He kept his focus on the clear plastic lid. “I hook up occasionally with guys I meet. I’m not on Grindr, or any similar app for that matter, so I can’t help you there. Yes, I’ve been offered GHB from time to time, and I’ve always declined. But about what I said at the restaurant—” He raised his chin to gaze at Gary’s flushed face. “—I like to keep things casual for a reason. There have been a couple of times where it was more than just sex. And yes, I wanted that. But the closer we got, the more entangled my emotions became.”
“And then you saw something.” When Dan blinked, Gary continued. “You told me as much at dinner. Remember?”
That whole evening had been reduced to a blur once he’d seen Gary’s tattoo.
Dan took a couple of deep breaths. “I don’t read minds, okay? But when I touch people, I see things they’ve done, things they might not want others to see. And that one time, the guy I was falling for?” He shuddered. “He had a cruel streak, something I hadn’t even glimpsed until then. You know how it is when you first meet someone. You’re on your best behavior, right? You want to make a good impression.”
“I guess.”
“Well, we’d been together a couple of months, and yes, I had it bad, but not bad enough that I wanted to stick around and see what happened once he got comfortable being with me. Because I’d seen how he’d treated his exes.” He drank a little more. “When it happened again with a different guy—different circumstances, though—I got the message. Stick with sex and keep my heart out of it.”
Gary’s eyes widened. “You can’t live like that.” His voice quavered. “Shutting yourself off from the possibility of falling in love with someone. Is that what you really want?”
That tremor shook him. “You’re a good man. You care for people.”
“Of course I do.”
“So answer me this. Areyouin a relationship?”
Gary huffed. “I’m a cop.”
“That’s not an answer.”
“Yes, it is. It takes a special kind of person to put up with a cop’s life because therearetimes when that life takes over. There’s no such thing as a normal day. There’s a lot of stress, emotion, even danger.”
“So you don’t date? How does that make you any different from me?”
Silence.
Dan sighed. “And I’mnotshutting myself off. I don’t want to stay single all my life. Iwantsomeone to come home to, someone to share my hopes and dreams. But like you said, it will take a very special person to cope with me. With my gift.”
“Now I get why you said sometimes it feels more like a curse,” Gary murmured.
“Yes, but I have faith. He’s out there, waiting for me.”
