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“I understand,” I whisper.
I wait until Ford leaves, and then I put my hands on the cool counter top. I try to breathe evenly, but I can’t. My breath comes out in shaky bursts, wreaking havoc on my heartbeat.
Heartbreaker.
That’s what I am.
The worst kind of person.
Because loud and clear, I heard what Ford was telling me.
He loves you. Don’t fuck with his heart.
A strangled gasp escapes me, and I squeeze my eyes shut. Hot tears drip down my cheeks.
What I’m doing with Charlie is too dangerous. Reckless.
It was different when no one was saying the words. When we could pretend it was all temporary, all about good sex.
But now ...
Charlie’s loved and lost before. Had I known that, I never would have played this game. I thought I was using my heart to change my life. Turns out, I’m destroying one.
My heartbeats come to a halt. I sway where I stand, gripping the counter for support.
I can’t do this to him. I can’t hurt him. He’s been through loss before, and all I’m doing is leading him on because, in the end, my heart will give out like my mother’s.
I won’t put Charlie through that.
Not again.
A sob rips out of me, deep, like a part of my soul’s being wrenched into ragged pieces.
I have to end it.
I have to end it all.
“Are you going into town today?” Ruby asks from her spot in the bed.
“Yeah.” I sit on the corner chair and tug on my boots. Sunlight streams through the open doors of the balcony. “Ford and I are meeting up with Stede. Then we’re driving to Deer Lodge to drop that colt off with a buyer from the livestock show.”
“Oh.” Her gaze drops to the comforter. “Tell him goodbye for me.”
“You want to?” I hate myself for selling the cream-colored pony she loves, but it’s been paid for. Hell, I want to keep it for her and let her name it whatever the fuck she wants.
She shakes her head. “No. It’s too hard.”
Scrubbing a hand over my beard, I yawn, wishing the coffee were already made.
Wishing I had another two hours in bed with Ruby.
When I arrived home yesterday from the ravine dirty as hell, I had the best greeting of my life. Ruby threw herself into my arms, kissing on me, and I barely got a word out before we fell into bed.
Once again, we missed the sunrise. And I never got to tell her I love her.
I’m ready, though. Ruby deserves it done in the right way, so that means figuring out how to say it today.
A date. Dancing. Flowers. No interruptions.
