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For a split second, I’m back at that gas station in Winslow, a cool Coke bottle in my hand and a map spread in front of me. Would I change it if I could? Point my heart in a different direction?
No.
The answer is no.
I wouldn’t change it. Not for the world. Not for my life.
After this summer, I will never go back to living half-asleep. Of experiencing the world through my bedroom window, or on my computer screen.
All these miles, all these years, my heart was leading me to Charlie.
I have to give him the choice to accept it, to forgive me or not. To love me ...or not.
If he doesn’t, I’ll understand. I’ll move on.
It’s my mistake.
I have to own it.
I have to come clean.
Tell Charlie the truth.
Tame my heart.
My phone buzzes, and I sigh when I see Max’s name on the caller ID.
Why does he have to pick this moment to call? Still, I’ve been avoiding his calls ever since I decided to stay in Resurrection. I can’t ignore him anymore.
With trembling hands, I pull the car over to the side of the road, because I don’t trust myself to have this conversation and drive safely.
I put the phone to my ear. “Hi.”
Max exhales in relief. “So, you’re alive.”
“Barely,” I whisper, glancing at the storm clouds again. My heart beats crazily, an echo to my mind.
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Nothing.”
Max swears. “You had a flutter.”
I almost drop the phone. “What? No.”
“I can tell, Ruby.”
He’s right. He can. My brother has been a part of my heart as long as I have had it.
“How many? How many flutters, Ruby?” Max’s panicked voice cuts through my muddled mind.
“Too many,” I say flatly.
“Fuck. I’ll come get you.”
I shake my head, over and over. “Don’t. Don’t bother.”
I feel my life slipping between my fingers.
