AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“Sheep fucker,” the budgie says.
“What the fuck is wrong with that bird?” Zero asks as both men stare at it.
I scowl at them. “Are you questioning my abilities as a vet?” Granted, the bird could have picked a better time to declare itself verbal.
“Of course not,” Crank quickly replies. “You’re probably a very good vet.”
Probably very good? “I’m a great vet despite what you might hear about my ability with rabbits. It’s a bullshit rumour.”
Cujo skitters across the floor with his teddy in his mouth, slamming into Crank’s legs and almost knocking him off-balance. He drops the teddy at his feet and woofs as his tail wags. Crank tries to ignore him, but he woof-woofs this time.
“You’ll have to toss it if you want him to leave you alone.”
“Fine!” Crank picks up the teddy and wings it down the hall.
Cujo’s nails rake the floor as he scrambles after it, mouths it a few times, then picks it and looks back at Crank.
I shake my head at Cujo, and for a change he decides to listen. Alternatively, it could be that Crank threw the teddy wrong and Cujo will simply not tolerate a man without dexterity. Either way, he lopes into my examining room.
“Where were we?” I turn towards my two extortionists (or is it extorters?).
“We were talking about how you were one of us.”
“Of course. I can’t tell you how pleased I am that you’re looking out for my welfare.” I pause like I’m thinking everything over. “Exactly how much is this assurance?”
“Five-hundred a month,” Crank says like he’s rehearsed it. “More as your business grows.”
I pretend to think about it. “Does your fee take into account how much I’m making already?”
Zero and Crank exchange glances.
“Uh, not sure. How much are you making?” Zero asks.
I walk behind the counter again, rustle around, then produce my account book. I’m not old-fashioned, I prefer using the computer, but Wendy doesn’t trust the book-keeping programs – she refuses to believe they add the totals correctly, so she has to check them on her calculator. In the end, she told me to fuck off and let her do what I hired her to do, which was actually not the books, but since I don’t have to pay her a higher wage to be my amateur accountant, I follow her advice and fuck off.
I flip open the black book as I wave Crank and Zero to the counter. They crowd up on either side and follow my finger while I draw it down a column of numbers in red that match the polish on my fingernails. “You see here? I still don’t have the capital I need to open the business, but I secured the property, and it isn’t good business to pay rent without a return on investment. I’m still building my client base, so the intake currently does not exceed the output, which unfortunately means I have to supplement my operations by accessing my savings, which are getting more meager by the day.”
Lullaby whinnies and the boys are temporarily distracted. “What’s that?” Crank asks.
Shit. “Baby monitor,” I improvise quickly.
His eyes widen. “You have a baby?”
I think about lying, but don’t really like to especially because saying I have a baby is too big a whopper. I don’t know anyone who would lend me theirs should I need it. “No. Just the monitor.”
Their confusion keeps them from asking further and I recall their attention to the accounts book. I point at the total in red. “Anyway, you see this line? It’s how much debt I’m in.” I shake my head. “I’m going backwards.”
Crank scratches at his face as he thinks about this. “So if we base the assurance on your income, then you’re saying you don’t have to pay any.”
Zero looks like he’s about to kick Crank, so I intercede. “I am definitely not saying that.”
He narrows his eyes at me. “You’re gonna pay some assurance… I mean insurance, but not the whole amount the Jury is askin’ for?” He walks over to the window, looks out while he frowns. “You’re saying that we go back to the boss and tell him you’re only going to pay some.”
I shake my head at them. “No. I’m not saying that at all.” I walk over to the window, stand beside Zero, and follow his line of sight. “I’m saying that your organization should be paying for my assurance because if I’m one of yours and you look out for me, it only stands to reason that if I’m in the black, I pay you assurance and if I’m in the red, you pay me.”
Crank opens his mouth to protest when Lullaby whinnies again. “Oh dear. The baby monitor again. I better go check it.” I take a few steps towards the surgery, then stop and look back. “You boys can find your way out, can’t you?”
“Sheep fucker,” the budgie sings as the bell over the door tinkles.
