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His words, delivered innocently, sent a flare of something forbidden and hot to the floor of my gut. If only he were mine for the night. For forever. If only. “Let’s go back to my place,” I said, thanking everything holy I’d succeeded in making my tone airy. “We can order in. Catch up without the prying ears of neighboring diners.”
“Prying ears might be best.”
“Please,” I said.
He blew out a breath, battling his decision. “Okay,” he said to my bewilderment. “Let’s go before I change my mind.”
Outside, my driver tipped his hat to Jasper as he held open the rear door for us. Once inside, I made introductions, then we weaved our way through traffic in comfortable silence before picking up Chinese takeout, and then deciding to walk the short distance to the hotel I’d made home. It was bitterly cold out, but it would’ve taken Mark double the time to circle the block in the afternoon gridlock than to simply foot it to the penthouse.
“This living arrangement is temporary, right?” Jasper said, digging through the bags of food on the kitchen island.
“Why?” I asked, coming in behind him and plucking a fortune cookie from his hands. “They take care of every inconvenience here. Laundry, housekeeping services, there’s a barber downstairs,andthere’s even an in-house chef I could hire if I so please,” I said, breaking my fortune paper free.
“I see our years apart haven’t negatively affected your humility at all,” he said, heavy on the sarcasm.
“I’m humble,” I protested. “But as you said, I’m short on time, so living here works out perfectly. Can you give me one good reason why I shouldn’t?”
He waved a hand over the wet front of my suit. “For one thing, there’d be less yellow-cab traffic in a more residential area, which could potentially prevent you from being puddle-splashed head to toe when one nearly rides onto the curb for a fare.” He’d been teasing me about it the whole walk and elevator ride up. And for a moment, I could almost pretend nothing had changed between us. My sentimental gaze hovered over him longer than it should have, and I cursed myself when his easy smile fell, a leery stare filling the void.
“I’m sorry,” I said. “I was reminded for a second of how easy it used to be between us. I miss this.”
“Me too,” he admitted before averting his eyes to the containers of food, taking his and moving to the other side of the behemoth island.
“I should probably change out of these wet clothes before I eat.” I excused myself, journeying straight to my bathroom to splash cold water over my face. Huffing uneven breaths into the basin, I pressed my weight into my palms, wondering what the hell I thought I was doing. I loved him, and regardless of the lie I’d readily told him yesterday, I was stillinlove with him. Madly so.
Jasper had a way of appearing helpless, even though he was the strongest person in the room. Handsome, pretty, even. A face so delicate had no business being atop a body so stringent. He was a slut, a virgin, the devil, and an angel rolled into one. A case study in contradictions, leaving my cock hard and my heart soft as putty. I wanted to break him, and then piece his fractured parts back together again. Nothing would ever change that, and I didn’t know how long I’d be capable of sticking to my promise, of keeping my hands off him, of not ruining everything.
He’s married,I reminded myself.You’ve been gone, and he moved on, and you have no right to sweep in and turn every obstacle keeping you apart into collateral damage.
I hadn’t been completely honest. My therapistdidthink being friends with him was a good idea. I’d merely left out the “from a distance” part. And also the part where I’d fired her soon after she’d suggested it.
I tugged off my tie and expeditiously ditched the suit for a t-shirt and sweats before trekking back into the kitchen to find Jasper rummaging through the fridge.
“Water?” he asked, holding up two bottles.
“I need something stronger than that.” I fetched a bottle of gin from one of the cabinets near the sink.
“Make that two,” he said, shutting the bottled waters into the fridge. I lined up two shots of gin before downing mine. Jasper breathed deeply before chugging his and grimacing. “Fuck, that’s not the cheap stuff, is it?”
“No, it isn’t.”
We ate until the cartons were clean and scarfed down shots in between bites until there was nothing to do but think or talk. Or both. Jasper played nervously with the thin, gold chain at his neck. It had belonged to Selene, but the small cross pendant dangling from it had been a gift from me. It had once belonged to my mother.
“I didn’t notice you wearing that yesterday,” I said, refilling our glasses.
“Because I wasn’t. I woke up in the middle of the night and went through a box of old things I keep inside a loose floorboard in our closet.”
“Sounds like a hiding place.” Something he didn’t want Daniel knowing about. “What other secrets do you keep in there?”
“It’s more about what I’m hiding from myself, not Daniel,” he said with a defensive edge. “You showing up made me think about her. More so than usual. I keep a few of her trinkets in there.”
Some of mine as well,I didn’t say.
“She wouldn’t be happy knowing we were together, now. Here.”
“I don’t believe that for a second, Jasper. She loved us.”
“Have you forgotten what happened?”
