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Would. It. Be. Worth it?
The doors eased shut, caging me in with my rambling conscience. The tiny voice whispered up the line from my heart and into my skull.Yes,it said. Having him in some way would be worth everything.
Jasper
ENDING THE NIGHTin the ER, being treated for hypothermia, wasn’t my idea of a good time, so after stalling for a few hours on a cold park bench, I went home to face the music.
Tiptoeing through the silent apartment, I was relieved to find Daniel in our bed, fast asleep. I sailed my hands through my hair, backing away just as quietly, beyond grateful for the reprieve from our confrontation.
The relief was short-lived, but at least when he found me an hour or so later in the darkness of our home library, I was already a quarter bottle deep into my scotch and could barely feel anything. As it turned out, barely wasn’t good enough.
I stood at the window, staring into the bottom of my glass, feeling his eyes scrape along the rear of me. “Are you going to say something?” I asked, raising my gaze to his reflection. Daniel leaned against the doorframe, backlit by whatever faraway light he’d switched on during his hunt for me.
“When did you get home?” he asked, voice bogged down by sleep, expression blank.
I didn’t answer. It was one of those preliminary questions you asked before getting to the good stuff. The fight icebreaker. It didn’t matter in the grand scheme of things. “I couldn’t make it. I tried—”
“Did you?” I interrupted coolly, finishing my drink and setting the tumbler on the rolling ladder rung next to me.
“It’s about me right now, Jasper—”
“When has it ever not been about you, Daniel?”
“You mean in between all the time I spend on you? On wanting better for you? On doing everything in my power to put a smile on your face? Because let’s face it, trying to make you happy is a full-time job,” he snapped, and there I went, doubting myself, doubting my right to be disappointed, upset. “And your brother was there with you. It’s not like you were alone,” he said softly.
“You don’t get it, do you?” I whispered dejectedly, counting the rows of holiday motif lights strung from light post to light post along the street. “Youpromisedme.” Through the window I caught sight of him throwing his hands up and marching over to the corner table with the tidy stack of law books for a coaster.
“Did you ask him to take your place? Did you think about me enough to make the conscious decision to ask him to be there for me?”
“No. My firm is contracted to Nexcom at the moment. Tenuously so. I’m not going to ask him for favors. Certainly not personal ones,” he said, coming to place the coaster under my empty glass, scowling at the circle of condensation already soaking into the wooden rung. “But I hoped he would,” he said. “Would that be so bad? At least it means I was thinking about you, and what my no-show would do to you. Can I get some credit here?” He waited expectantly. “I’m going back to bed. I’ve got an early start tomorrow.”
“No. It’s not so bad.” I had to meet him halfway.
“I’m close, Jasper,” he said, snatching the lifeline I’d just cast him. “Hopefully in the next week or two I’ll have made Nexcom infinitely richer, and that much closer to achieving their goals. Life can go back to normal between us. Or as close to normal as a newly minted partner life can be.”
“So it’s really going to happen?”
“Mm-hm. They promised. All I have to do is deliver on this. Then we sign something more binding with Nexcom, and the thanks will be to me.” He smiled sleepily.
“That’s great, Daniel. I’m happy for you.” I embraced him. Daniel wanting to make partner had been the one constant since the day I met him. He could’ve left Parker & Mitchell, although they were highly prestigious. Daniel had the resources to start something on his own if he wanted to, but for some reason he needed this validation. Neededtheirvalidation. He had a point to prove.
I may not have been thrilled about this new work arrangement, but I’d always supported his goals, contrary to how he made it seem. “We should celebrate now.”
“How much have you had to drink? It’s two in the morning, Jasper,” he said, amused.
“Well notnow.I just mean it’s a sure thing. I believe in you. We don’t need to wait for the ink to dry on the dotted line to celebrate.” My mood turned contagious, and excitement split across his face.
“Well, I have a big break in the afternoon tomorrow. We could grab lunch at Rinaldo’s.”
“Tomorrow…” I trailed off, working through my own work schedule. “I have closing arguments on the Board of Education case tomorrow. You should come, sit in the gallery and watch with some of my students. You’ve never seen me in action. We can grab lunch right after.” My grin matched his now. We were fine.We are fine.
Suddenly his smile dried up, causing everything inside me to ache. “Let’s see how things pan out tomorrow. You never know what might pop up last minute. I don’t want to break any more promises.” Sounded reasonable enough, but his excitement was gone, leaving behind this awkward discomfort.
“Yeah, sure. Okay.” I nodded.
“I ordered in. I wasn’t sure if you were coming home, so I put it away.”
“Thanks. I’m not hungry, though. I’ll come up in a minute.”
