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“Something feels off,” I said.
“Getting laid will fix that right up.”
“I’m serious, Leland,” I said, exasperated.
“It’s all in your head, Cole. It’s also ego driven. You want what you can’t have, so something must be wrong with everyone else.”
“Does your shady uncle still do private investigative work on the side?” I asked, not allowing his spot-on assessment to deter me.
“Uncle Noone? Yeah, the fucker still owes me money, too. Why?”
“I have a job for him.”
“So, you’re going to have your stepbrother’s husband looked into?”
“He’s technically not my stepbrother anymore.”
“That’sthe part you choose to address?” he asked. “Jasper may seem tame, but I remember the glare of death he gave me when I stepped out of your guest bathroom. He’s a jungle cat with sharp claws. Do you think he’ll just show you his belly and say thanks for invading my douchebag husband’s privacy? He won’t fall to his knees and thank you for uncovering Daniel’s secrets. He’ll see this as you trying to control his decisions.”
“Just do it, Leland. I’ll figure out how to handle whatever answers we find.”
He blew an exaggerated breath, his longish blond bang flying away with it. “And what if we find nothing?”
“Then I’ll deal with that, too.” I grabbed a pen, getting to work, effectively ending the conversation.
On behalf of Nexcom Global, Leland accepted the invite from Parker & Mitchell to attend the impromptu office celebration in honor of Daniel’s new partnership with the firm. A more glitzy affair was scheduled to take place the following week, but they were eager to make the official announcement.
“They move fast,” Leland said as we exited onto their floor.Parker, Mitchell, & Ward Esqread the gold engraved plaque on the wall of their reception area. “We don’t have to stay for the whole thing, do we?”
“No,” I answered, not looking forward to spending time in close proximity to Jasper and Daniel. I couldn’t help feeling like I hadn’t heard from Jasper because he’d decided I was bad for the health of his marriage. Perhaps our time apart, and their time together vacationing, had helped Jasper to align his priorities. And maybe I wasn’t one of them.
“Good,” Leland said, checking his watch. “There’s plenty of time to schmooze it up here, then head to your place for a quick change before dashing over to Bale.”
I’d almost forgotten about his plans to see me debauched before the night was out. I didn’t bother mentioning all his hard work would likely be for nothing. “I need a stiff drink.” I straightened my spine, preparing for the torturous hours ahead.
Leland remained a figure at my side, interjecting in the midst of conversation whenever my attention diverted to seeking out Jasper, or artfully steering discussions away from anything too personal when it seemed I lacked the brainpower to, because outsiders didn’t know about my connection to Jasper Des Moines.
“Excuse me,” I said, disentangling myself from the group. After pilfering a champagne flute from one of the passing servers hired for the evening, I weaved my way through the rows of cubicles draped in gold tinsel and garland and found a quiet spot near one of the windows overlooking midtown.
The snow had melted from the tree branches, leaving them bare, and the sidewalks and streets were coated in dingy slush. And if the ominous clouds tightening into gray fists were any indication, rain would be coming, or with any luck, more snow.
My heart began drafting the perfect picture of me chasing Jasper in from the cold after another snowball fight on my balcony, and tearing his clothes off in front of the raging fire as he panted, helpless to me. I’d then have him in my bed, because his preference for falling asleep on my sofa didn’t go unnoticed. And while I couldn’t argue against its comfort, I also knew it felt safer than the bedroom to him; he could tell himself what we were doing wasn’t wrong so long as we weren’t doing it between my sheets.
None of that mattered as I then counted the exact hours, minutes, and seconds since I’d last heard from him. A reminder of how unlikely my heart’s fantasies would become a reality.
I suddenly regretted turning him away. Regretted saying he needed to be sure before we crossed the line. When had I ever needed him to be sure? And when had he ever wanted to be?
“Get a grip, Cole,” I muttered to myself. “He isn’t even speaking to you.” I flagged a server down and took two flutes off his hands this time. “Anything stronger around here?” I asked. He gave an apologetic shake of his head before sauntering off.
A commotion came from the front. Raised voices and clapping hands crashing together in a melee of cheer and excitement. The guest of honor had arrived.
My hands warmed and prickled around the flutes, and I guzzled the champagne before setting the glasses on the windowsill. I couldn’t see them from my vantage point, cowering and licking my wounds out of sight, but I was extremely aware of him. His aura, his soul, the air he breathed… It all acted as stimuli to my senses.
Things tended to revert to being strained between us whenever he spent a significant amount of time with his husband. I hated when he had to leave me, even for one night, because it meant I’d have to fight to climb over his walls again. Had Daniel changed overnight? Had he convinced Jasper he could? Would I at least get to hold on to him as a sort-of-sibling, or friend? Like I’d claimed I wanted in the first place.
I faced the city, which had gone dark on me. The shade of its bleakness matched my disposition, and I shut my eyes to it, willing myself together so I could do my job, remain professional, and congratulate Daniel on all he’d accomplished. All he’d won.
“Hi,” came a smoky, breathless voice from behind, resurrecting me, reigniting the heart I only now noticed hadn’t been beating. Not really. “What are you doing back here?” Jasper asked gently. I knew if I opened my eyes and turned to him, I’d be met with a beautiful blush along his cheeks, and eyes so penetrating and sharp they could cut through steel.
