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I brought it reverently to my nose, expecting to find a trace of her there, the lingering scent of her favorite perfume, but there was nothing. The best I could do was close my eyes and think back on that day.
“Come on, Coley-bear!”Selene had called from the front door, wrapping her favorite tattered scarf around her neck.
My father bought her a new cashmere scarf every Christmas, a not-so-subtle hint if you asked me, but she’d always worn the one Jasper had saved his allowance to buy her before they came into our lives. The thing was atrocious.
I’d bounded down the stairs, checking behind me to be sure Jasper wasn’t trailing.“Don’t call me that,”I’d said sulkily, slipping into the jacket she held open for me.“It’ll only encourage him.”
“But it’s so cute,”she’d said, before kissing the tip of my nose.“Just like you.”
“I’m fourteen,”I’d grumbled, secretly loving the way she nurtured me as if knowing there was a lot of that to make up for.
I pushed the memory away, examining the bowl once again. Selene made sure we did things as a family, but she also gave Jasper and me our individual time with her. She’d signed us up for a pottery class that day. I’d wanted to see the new Tom Cruise movie, but she was big on bonding activities.
Moving from the floor to the sofa, I steeled myself before turning the bowl over to read the barely legible inscription.
“You’ll always be my Coley-bear. Love, Mom.”
The bowl had sat on our entryway table for years, way into my adulthood. Then I thought back on a conversation I’d had with Jasper shortly after crash-landing back into his life.
“I combed the house from top to bottom looking for it after she died.”
He’d taken it. Probably to have something that was both a piece of her and a part of me.
Hauling myself over to the foyer, I situated the bowl on the table. I no longer had a need for keys, but I retraced my steps, eventually finding my wallet on the bathroom floor, and then placed it inside.
Jasper’s gift—or return of my stolen property—had temporarily eased some of the pain, allowing my exhaustion to take the focus.
The sofa was as far as I could go, and after a few hours of dozing, a reminder ping jerked me awake.Camille.I’d made her a promise before having my heart torn out of me, but I couldn’t disappoint her. I expelled a deep breath, and then got ready for Sofia’s annual toy drive.
“Cole Kincaid without a suit,” Sofia said, rubbing the material of my charcoal-colored sweater between her thumb and forefinger. “Cashmere. I’ll have you in jeans and cotton in no time, my friend.” The tightness around her eyes betrayed her casual tone, but it warmed me to hear her refer to me as a friend, because I was down one as of last night.
“Many before you have tried,” I said, failing at returning her feigned lightness.
“How are you?” she asked, gesturing for me to follow her to the back where she’d been with Jasper when I walked in. I hadn’t seen him, but I’d felt him. We were like opposing atoms in that way, searching for our counterpart when near. In that same vein, I felt stripped, bereft when he’d vanished. It had taken everything I didn’t have to keep my composure for Camille. To not disregard her happiness in search of my own. In search of him.
“I’ve been better,” I admitted. Sofia was keen, and also Jasper’s best friend. Lying to her would’ve been pointless.
“What’s going on with you two?”
“Nothing,” I said, huffing a hollow laugh. “Absolutely nothing.” After a brief pause, in which Camille and one of Sofia’s boys came into the supply room for more toys, I asked, “How is he?”
Sofia straightened her Santa hat before crossing her arms. “I thought Daniel would be as bad as it got for him, but now—”
“So you hate him too?” I asked, hoping for an ally.
“Well, hate is a strong word. Do I think Jasper can do better?” She pursed her lips and tilted her head side to side in a so-so gesture. “Certainly.”
“Then why haven’t you told him that?” I asked accusingly.
Sofia’s hands dropped to her hips in frustration. “Have you met your stepbrother-slash-no longer brothers-slash-friend-slash-lover-friend?” she asked. “If he doesn’t want to see something, he won’t. It’s a freaking superpower, I swear.” She mumbled words in Spanish before swiping her hat completely off. She was right. Jasper could be stubbornly obtuse at will. “I’m worried about him,” she confessed. So was I, but I couldn’t be the one to be there for him. Jasper and I couldn’t be friends. We hadn’t even gotten the science down on how to be brothers. Our romantic love would get in the way of all of it. It was either everything or nothing with us. Something we’d understood but lied to ourselves about this go-round.
“Come on,” Sofia said as families kept piling in. “Help me reel this circus in.”
Leland was waiting for me when I got home, leaning against the wall with his feet crossed at the ankle as he investigated his cuticles, completely pulling off the “you haven’t returned my calls, but I’m so not worried about you” look.
“I was going to call you back,” I said as I hung my coat on the hook. “It was crazy down at the toy drive.”
“I got your message,” he said, straightening. “The one asking me to cancel the standing reservation on a suite I knew nothing about. I canceled Jasper’s flight on your upcoming trip, too.”
