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I snapped out of the memory, coming face-to-face with the scared boy from all those years ago. He wasn’t scared now, though. He was confident, larger than life,tempting,and I was as defenseless to him now as I was then. “Are you still in love with me, Cole?”
“No,” he said quickly. Too quickly. I should’ve called bullshit. It should’ve been a deal breaker for whatever I was about to concede to. My head knew better, but my heart had other plans. My heart would destroy us all. “What are your ground rules?” he asked, sensing my momentary lapse of good judgment. “Name them, and I’ll abide by them.”
My back met the wide archway’s molding as I retreated. His hand spasmed at his side, probably tempted to reach for me before he lost me for good.
“Anything, Jas,” he said desperately, using the nickname he’d given me as a kid.
“No one’s called me that before,”I’d said.
“It’s mine. If anyone calls you that, you tell them it belongs to me. Thatyoubelong to me.”
“You have to respect my marriage,” I breathed, the organ in my chest beating a not-so-silent warning. “I love him.” I narrowed my stare on him, tracking his every reaction, ready to call all bets off and run in the direction I’d come from at the first sign of his resistance. “Ilovehim.”Who are you trying to convince here, Jasper?
“I can do that,” he said.
“Our relationship, or whatever this is”—I gestured between us—“shouldn’t come between my relationship with him.”You’re making a bad decision, Jasper.My conscience kept pounding away at me.
“If you’re happy, I won’t interfere—”
“That isn’t good enough,” I snapped urgently.
“You can’t expect me to sit idle and watch you be hurt. That’s a promise I can’t make. But if you’re happy with him…” He drifted off on a swallow as if preparing for the pain of his next words. “If he’s good to you, then you have nothing to worry about from me.”
“Wearehappy.”
“Okay, then,” he said.
“And Ineedyou to respect that,” I asserted.
“Got it.” His words were clipped.
“I gotta go.”
“Where are you headed?” he asked, as if he didn’t want me to leave just yet.
“To work,” I said, to which he gazed dubiously at my distressed jeans and laced-up boots. “It’s casual Friday,” I explained absently, rubbing my forehead, trying to gather my wits.
He leaned against the balcony door, his entwined hands falling casually at the junction of his hips. “Yeah, except today’s Monday,” he said, laughing with his eyes.
“Right,” I said, cheeks warming. “I guess it’s always Friday when you love what you do.”
“Not much has changed in that area, I see.” He donned that cocky grin of his, the one that bordered on flirtatious and here-comes-trouble. “You were always big on doing what you love, and not what anyone wanted of you. I used to want to be just like you. Still do.”
I shook my head in disbelief. How could it be so easy to go from wanting to punch him to wanting to comfort him? “You’re making changes over at Nexcom. I’m guessing that means you’re doing what you want.”
“I’m doing what I have to do,” he said pointedly. “I’m doing what’s right.”
“And what’s right?” I asked.
“I want to develop a new and improved robotic heart. Make it more sustainable.”
I took a step forward. “Is that even possible?” I asked with a breathless type of hope.
“I don’t know, but it’s what I plan on dedicating my life to.”
And that quickly, something in me opened up for him, a small pocket of warmth not yet frozen over from the cold burden of guilt I’d carried around like a cross I had to bear. Cole slid right in, making himself cozy. “I’m going to be late,” I said, weathering his haunted stare for a second longer than I should have, unable to take my eyes off him, unable to move.
The glue that bound us together when we were boys resealed us now, hardening. If I didn’t rip myself away from him right then, the epoxy would dry, making a second separation from him virtually inconceivable.
