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“It never gets easier,” Franky said. “But it’s always worth it in the end.”
I yelped when the cart swayed, and Franky had the nerve to laugh at me.
“Shall we pretend?” he asked, and I cocked a confused brow at him. “I still remember every word.”
I got it then. He wanted to recreate our first ride on the Ferris wheel. “I remember too,” I confessed.
Franky shut his eyes, and I wasted a few seconds to admire how handsome he was. To admire the additional gray hairs along his jaw and the strands of white mixed into his thick, jet-black hair.
“It doesn’t count if you don’t open both eyes,” I said, and Franky cracked one eye open, just like before.
“Both eyes,” I said. Franky opened them both, even managing the same look of exasperation he had that day, before raising his gaze to the night clouds.
“Now look down,” I said, in the tone used to convince babies to take their first step.
“If I have to look down, then so do you,” he said, and I swallowed on cue.
“We do it together,” I replied. “We’re in this together.”
“You don’t even know me,” he whispered. “And I don’t know you.”
“Makes sense,” I said with a shrug. “BecauseIdon’t even know me. Not really. And I’m betting that you don’t even know you.”
Franky paused. The exact same pause he’d given me then, except this time his eyes said that he knew me. They said that I knew him too. “You’re stalling,” he said.
“No, you’re stalling,” I shot back.
“The ride’s almost over, Mr. Bear.” And it was. We’d already gone around several times. It was now or never, but I couldn’t get my mouth to form my next line. I wasn’t the same flirtatious guy looking to get a rise out of the grumpy older man. I’d since been hurt by that older man, and I was scared that he would know that this time the words actually meant something to me, that this time they would be the truth.
“The ride’s almost over, Mr. Bear,” Franky said again, nudging me to keep it going.
I licked my lips. “What if I don’t want it to end?” I asked. Franky’s smile gleamed with hope but he managed to stay on script. Managed to keep us from veering off memory lane.
He daggered me with the same unimpressed look that shouted he was over my antics, when I was only getting warmed up. “Enough talking. Should we see what we’re made of?”
“Hell yeah,” I said. “Let’s do it.” With a synchronized deep breath, we squeezed hands and looked down.
***
Franky and I played games and ate funnel cake on the boardwalk until the amusement park closed and we were forced to leave. We talked the whole drive back to the city, and our conversation didn’t end when we got home. It didn’t end when he said goodnight from our bedroom doors, yet didn’t move. It still hadn’t ended when I dragged myself over to the bed and relaxed against the headboard before patting the spot next to me. It didn’t end until my head drowsily hit his shoulder, until I vaguely registered that I still wore my outside clothes, until he kissed the top of my head, running his fingers through my hair, lulling me to sleep.
Chapter 36
Leland
I woke up hours later alone and more upset than I’d been all the previous nights Franky had vanished. Not only had he left the house, but he’d left my side to do it, and that somehow felt much worse. Worse because at some point during the night, we’d gotten tangled up together, which meant that whatever he was getting out there, was powerful enough to tempt him away from my fucking arms.
I’d searched the place from top to bottom, knowing I wouldn’t find him, and then I waited in the dark shadows of the living room for him to come home.
Franky didn’t creep in until the hazy orange hue signaling dawn coated the sky, and by then my anger and my jealousy had skyrocketed from something hot and boiling, to an icy-cold whisper.
“Where do you go when you leave me here alone at night?” I asked, tone deceptively calm.
Franky swung around with a hand to his chest. “Jesus, Leland,” he said breathlessly. “You scared the crap out of me. What are you doing up so early?”
Slower, and with more force this time, I repeated, “Where do you go when you leave me here alone at night?”
“I didn’t realize you noticed I was gone,” he said, his breath evening out.
