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"I live here," Ryan says, shrugging as if it's no big deal that the man I've loved and pined over since I was a teenager is living on top of me with my best friend's fiancé.
"No, you don't. Luke lives here."
"And now I do too. He's letting me stay in the guest room while I look for more permanent accommodations."
I don't know what to say. This situation is so awkward. I'm stuck somewhere between mortification, arousal, and heartbreak. My heart is telling me to run to him and beg forgiveness, beg him for a second chance. But my head reminds me he deserves better. A whole woman. Someone who can give him the big family he always wanted.
"Come on now, Em. No hug? We're still friends, aren't we."
"Don't call me that."
"What? A Friend? Okay, I'd be happy to skip friends and go straight to where we left off as lovers."
"That's not what I meant, and you know it. Just please don't call me that." Em is an endearment that only he used and hearing him say it again makes my entire being ache.
"Em? It's your name. You might make everyone else call you by your last name, but Emerson, you'll always be Em to me."
I shiver, goosebumps prickling all over my body.
I want to run away, but Ryan is blocking my escape route. I've always been Em to him; somehow, the shortened version of my first name belongs to him. I used to love it, but now it's just a reminder of how much I loved him and how much I've lost.
"Why did you come back?" I ask. He tilts his head to one side and stares at me as if assessing how much I've changed over the last seven years. I'm not a bright-eyed and bushy-tailed eighteen-year-old girl anymore. I'm a twenty-five-year-old woman who isn't wearing rose-coloured glasses and lives in a reality where we don't always get the things we want, no matter how badly we want them.
"Why don't you let me put on some clothes, and then we can catch up?"
Heat flushes my cheeks, and I nod once. I will have to talk to Ryan sooner or later, and we will need to lay some ground rules. I don't want anyone to know about our past. The skeletons can stay tucked away in the closet. No one needs to know about Ryan and me other than Holly and Luke. This is strictly business.
Ryan returns a few minutes later, wearing a pair of navy track pants and a white tee. He knows I love it when he wears track pants slung low on his hips and shirts that accentuate his muscles. I grab two bottles of fancy water from Luke's fridge and hand him one. He takes both bottles and sets them on the coffee table in front of an L-shaped couch. It's all very polite until he wordlessly wraps his arms around me in an unexpected hug. My arms automatically snake around his neck as my body tips forward on my toes, and my face fits into his neck. We both inhale simultaneously, breathing each other in like oxygen. He smells the same, just as I remember, like mint and verbena, and something uniquely Ryan.
God, I've missed this. Ryan's arms tighten around my waist, pulling me closer, and for the first time in seven years, my heart feels like it's home.
"I've missed you, Em," Ryan breathes into my ear before pulling back and leading me to the couch to sit down.
He smiles, and I smile back, just like old times.
"So, how’ve you been?" I ask awkwardly, unsure of what else to say.
"Good, or as good as I can be. I'm glad to be home. Los Angeles wasn't really for me. My heart has always been here."
"You were there for almost seven years. That's a long time. You must have friends and a life there you'll miss. What about Tyra Price? You two seemed happy."
Smooth, Avery. Way to be subtle.I hate myself sometimes. I can't believe I just said that. I sound jealous when I have no right to be. Ryan raises an eyebrow.
"We broke up."
"Why? Because you got traded? She's gorgeous and perfect. Why wouldn't you try to make it work?"
Ryan sighs and runs a hand through his hair like he wants to say something, but then he stops himself.
"Tyra and I were never meant to be permanent. We like different things and want different things. We're still close friends. She's going to be in Toronto soon to film her new movie. I'm sure she'd love to meet you."
I almost spit my water all over Ryan. Why the hell would Ryan's girlfriend, or ex-girlfriend, want to meet me? Being compared to a gorgeous actress with perfect skin and perfect everything else is the last thing I want.
"Why?"
"Because I've told her about you, and she's my best friend from LA."
My stomach clenches with envy. I used to be Ryan's best friend, and at that thought, I sink lower into the pit of self-loathing I'm digging for myself.
