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What the fuck was his deal? I rolled my eyes and started to follow him.
Even if he hadn’t been a foot taller and already hard to keep up with, he was walking so fast I’d never be able to catch up. The distance between us grew, and I stopped in the middle of the sidewalk.
How long would it take for him to notice I wasn’t behind him? Something deep needed to see when he’d notice, and what he’d do when he did. The concert hall was on the next city block, and he didn’t even pause when he crossed the street.
Sadness hit me in the chest. I swallowed, fingers tightening on the thin strap of my purse. The concert was supposed to be amazing, and one of my favorites. Alexander Serrat’s music…
One day I wanted to dance to it. More than just my own private sessions. It moved me, and in my head, I imagined a sweeping, modern ballet set to my favorites of his pieces.
I couldn’t go.
No matter how much I wanted to sit there and be washed away by sound and emotion, I couldn’t walk in there and see Craig waiting, angry I was taking so long, and then sit next to him the entire concert feeling him seethe.
If he wasn’t angry about it, I would be distracted the entire time, thinking about what he might say to me after. And after that… I would never be able to enjoy sex knowing he’d been annoyed with me half the night.
I thought I could overlook the little things that had bothered me last time, but I couldn’t. When I broke down and called him, craving the comfort of a body I knew and the feeling of just being with someone, it had felt like enough. But it wasn’t.
I wasn’t.
Somehow, I was never enough.
Not even to wait for while fucking walking.
Craig still hadn’t noticed I wasn’t with him. It seemed so small, but I wanted him to see me. I wanted to be the priority, concert be damned. Did he think I wanted to miss the beginning or whatever the hell he had planned? He hadn’t even looked. Like it didn’t matter to him whether I was there or not.
An ache I couldn’t describe filled my chest, and I turned to the street, raising my hand in the air. It only took a minute for a cab to pull over to the curb and for me to get inside. “Pavilion, please.”
The driver pulled into traffic, and I pulled my phone out of my purse. Craig would probably text me once he figured out I was gone. He’d probably call me petty, or a bitch, but my soul was too tired to care.
It didn’t seem like too much to ask for someone to value me for who I was and not just… as a body.
Pavilion wasn’t far, and the cab dropped me off outside, the line to get in already forming. The circus-themed club was one of the most popular in Slate City, and for good reason. The atmosphere and music were incredible, and it was a great place to lose yourself, if that’s what you were aiming for.
Tonight? I was.
Technically, I wasn’t supposed to dance here. There weren’t any official rules against it, but Slate City Ballet made it clear they didn’t approve of their dancers dancing at clubs. The horror. So I kept it quiet, but I needed the outlet. As much as I loved ballet, I loved more than just the classics. My body needed more than pirouettes. Sometimes you just needed to shake your ass.
Instead of joining the line, I turned and walked around the block and down the alley to the back, nodding to Bob as he saw me approach. He grinned. “Didn’t know you were dancing tonight, Lo.”
“I wasn’t supposed to, but I’m going to see if they have room for me.”
His eyes narrowed. “You okay?”
This wasn’t the first time I’d come to the club in order to distract myself from something happening in my life. But I didn’t feel like breaking it down. Movement was my safe space, and it was what I needed. “Fine. Just… need to move.”
The expression on his face told me he didn’t believe me, even for a second. But he nodded. “Have fun.”
“I’ll try.” I flashed him my best smile—the one I learned no one questioned except those who knew me best. Petra, and—
I shook my head and pushed through the back door and into the locker room. Adina sat at the mirror, painting neon and shimmering paint on her dark skin. One of the aerialists, when she danced, the lights in the club picked up all the sparkle and shine. She looked ethereal and was always one of the favorites.
Adina glanced up when I walked in, and her eyebrows rose. “I didn’t see you on the schedule.”
“I’m not.” I sighed. “I’m just hoping there’s an empty space for me to dance.”
Adina’s eyes took in my outfit and the high heels. “That bad?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
