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“You’ve known theentire time I’ve been at this castle? You knew I was your mate when you locked me in these chambers for weeks on end?”
“I did.”
“Yet, you did it anyway?” I screeched, remembering that time when I’d felt so much anxiety and distress over what my future would hold.
He winced. “I had to. Your affinity was only beginning to manifest and—” He growled. “I’ve already explained all of this. Why must I do it again?”
I sprang from my seat and began to pace. “Because it changeseverything. You did all of those things to me, all of those horrible things that made me feel...ock—” I paced faster. “You did all of that knowing that I was your mate?”
He pushed to a stand too, his hands fisting. “Yes, I did, and do you know what it did to me? It killed me to treat you like that, Ilara, but I had to for your sake and our continent’s.”
I spun to face him, planting my feet on the floor. My chest heaved as my heart pattered like a trapped bird.Why? Why must he be my mate? The murderer of my family? The male who’s tortured me so?
I swung away. “Who else knows?”
“My guards and Nuwin too.”
“How long have all of them known?”
He sighed. “I told my guards within a few days of realizing it, and I told Nuwin the same day. When I hauled him out into the hallway, the night you first met him, and he’d teased you as being my courtesan, I told him you were my mate. I only told him so he’d keep his hands off you in my absence.”
I covered my face with my hands. They’dallknown. All of them, while I’d remained entirely naïve.
The prince’s footsteps thundered in my ears. “Ilara,” he said gently.
Tears flooded my eyes, but I moved away from him before he could reach me. “No. Don’t.”
I fled from his sight, flying through the doors to my courtyard, needing to get away from him and this bond that stretched so tightly between us that it felt as though my chest was caving in.
Moonlight pierced the night sky, and the warmth of my courtyard’sorembathed my senses.
I leaned my head back, closed my eyes, and inhaled deeply. Scents from the juniper blossoms tickled my nose, and the thick, cloying potency of the roses came next.Breathe in and out. Just breathe.
It was a tactic I’d used to ground myself after Tormesh and my parents had died. On the days when it felt as though I would shatter and everything around me was an illusion, I would plant my feet on the ground and let the soil curl between my toes as I breathed in the crystalline air of our northern realm. Slowly, the pounding in my heart would ease, and my tears would stop threatening to fall.
It was an act I did again now. I didn’t know what else to do.
I didn’t hear the prince approach, but his aura pummeled into my wingless back, barreling into me like crashing waves on the Tala Sea.
“I’m sorry,” he finally said. “I never wanted this news to upset you.”
I took one last deep breath before I spun to face him. Blinking, I held back the tears that threatened to fall. I would not cry or show him how destroyed I felt. It wasn’t his fault the gods had chosen us for one another, but it didn’t make me any less angry.Why did they makehimfor me?
I couldn’t be with the male who’d killed my parents and brother. Even if I found it in me to completely forgive him, that stain would forever mar our relationship and taint any love that bloomed between us in blood.
He stared at me, the seconds ticking past as he waited.
“I can’t be with you,” I finally said. “Not now. Not ever.”
His throat worked a swallow, his entire body going rigid.
“You killed my family. How can I forgive you for that?”
He moved so fast it was like lightning struck. He suddenly towered over me, making my head tilt back so I could meet his stormy expression as my chest threatened to swell.
Go to him, a voice inside me seemed to stay.
I didn’t. I couldn’t.
