AllFreeNovel
Share Us
I sigh contently. That felt wonderful. Even if it was fleeting…
I look up only to realize I’m being watched. Erma’s jaw hangs open.
“I didn’t expect that out of you! That was concert pianist worthy. You need to play like that all the time,” she says.
And just like that… reality comes crashing down. I remember where I am and what transpired tonight. My mood tanks, and I give a stiff nod as she wishes me good night.
If only it were so simple…
* * *
When I make it to my apartment building, Grady sits on the top stair leading to my floor. A resigned sigh blows from my lungs, and I scratch my brow in exhaustion.
Why am I even surprised to find him here?
He always does this, turns up late at night like this.
“Grady, go home.”
“You don’t mean that. We need a moment. I’ve got stuff to say.”
“I’m exhausted.”
“Then let’s chill. I waited out here for over an hour.”
“That’s not my problem,” I say, bypassing him on the stairs. He follows me down the hall like a living shadow and doesn’t give up even as I reach my apartment door, keys in hand. “I don’t want to chill. Go home.”
“Can’t.”
“Don’t tell me your uncle kicked you out again.”
He gives a hapless shrug. “Told you I’m going through things. Thought you’d care enough to be there for me.”
I sigh again, overcome by guilt. “Come in.”
It’s a mistake.
A huge mistake. Even as I unlock the door and let him follow me inside, the tiny rational half of my brain screams at me. It tells me to stop right now and think straight before I relapse and do something I’ll regret.
Before I let things get complicated and messy again.
You’d think I’d listen… but I don’t.
We go to my room and sit around. I light up a joint and we pass it between us, inhaling, savoring the high it gives us. Grady tells me all about his problems—his difficult time finding a job, his depressive episodes, and his family troubles that are almost as messy as my own.
None of it is new to me. I’ve known Grady since I was fourteen.
He’s probably the only person still in my life whotrulyknows me.
The good, bad, and hideously ugly sides.
And maybe that’s why Ichooseto relapse, why I let it happen while knowing I’ll regret it. His venting turns into us on my bed undressing. Some kisses sprinkled between the impatience and frustration.
Grady doesn’t bother taking off my dress. But he does slide off my panties. He groans and pumps away, moving above me with his eyes closed. I lay under him and try to tune into the moment in any way I can.
I try to enjoy the feel of him inside me. I try to move my hips in tune with his. I try to get off, my fingers finding my clit.
Sex with Grady has been frequent and infrequent through the years, but one thing it’s always been is disconnected. Like we’re two separate people getting off on our own despite using the other’s body.
