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“So I won’t ask you to not report me, but it would be nice if you didn’t,” Rian went on.
Dmitri’s entire person froze. Was he…did he like Dmitri? He couldn’t begin to believe that was possible, but…
“I’m interested…in your friend. Raphael?”
Dmitri felt like his soul was made of glass, and Rian had just taken a tiny hammer, shattering it into spiderweb cracks. His throat went dry, and his tongue thick, and he tried not to see a sudden waterfall of future images that had Rian and Raphael living happily ever after. Which was ridiculous because this was the plan. This was supposed to happen.
“I know you two are close, and I thought maybe… I was hoping you might pass along a message, because I tried to find him on social media, but there was nothing.”
At that, Dmitri’s mouth stretched into a half smile, and he shook his head. “Yeah, no. He’s not into that.”
Rian softened further, the look in his eyes sweet and fond. It was a look mirrored in so many moments Dmitri looked at Raphael. “Everything about him is so… I don’t know. Intriguing and cool and sweet. I know we just had the one lunch, but if he’s not seeing anyone…”
“He’s not,” Dmitri managed to say without sounding like everything was crashing down around him. And it was gutting, not because Dmitri wanted to keep Raphael for himself—even though he did—but because he could see so damn easily how they could be happy. Their lives were the same, but not, but the lunch had proven how much their pasts echoed each other’s. Rian could understand Raphael in a way Dmitri never could.
And Rian could probably give Raphael all the physical things he craved, when Dmitri’s body refused to.
“Again, I know this is so inappropriate, but…”
“It’s fine,” Dmitri said, and he was surprised at how calm he sounded. But he’d always known this day would come. “I haven’t talked to him much this week with school and work, but I’ll drop by tonight and mention you when I get home.”
Rian’s shoulders sagged, and he folded his hand over his knee. “You’re a good kid.”
A good kid. The sentiment was genuine—meant as a compliment rather than a stark reminder of yet another reason why anyone else but him was perfect for Raphael. The compliment wasn’t meant to destroy him, but he felt shredded inside. “Well. I try.”
Rian gave him a careful look, his brow dipping, but he didn’t comment on it. “How about I buy you some lunch and try to sell myself as a good choice for your friend?”
Dmitri wanted anything but that, so he pushed to his feet and offered the best smile he could, shoving one hand into his pocket for his keys. “Rain check? I have work in two hours, and I wanted to get a jump start on my reading.”
Rian frowned again, but he nodded and rose, holding the door open as Dmitri stepped out. “Listen, if you think this is a bad idea…”
“I don’t,” Dmitri interrupted, and hated that he was being honest, because he was. “Raphael is probably one of my best friends, and he’s been dicked around a lot. He deserves to be happy, and he deserves to be with someone who appreciates him.”
“I can’t promise I won’t hurt him,” Rian said quietly.
Dmitri bowed his head. “I know.”
“But I think he might be worth a lot.”
“He is,” Dmitri confirmed, and before he embarrassed himself entirely, he turned on his heel and left.
* * *
“This is reallythe hard part, but it’s harder when you’re not listening.”
Dmitri flushed at the gentle chastisement, and he looked up from the fresh patch in the canoe he was meant to be sanding down. “Sorry.” His smile felt more like a grimace, and from the way Roman raised a brow, he figured it looked like one too. “It’s been kind of a week.”
And that was no lie. Not just writing his first research paper, but playing matchmaker for his favorite professor and the man he was head over heels for was overwhelming, to say the least.
“We can do this later,” Roman said, setting his bit of sandpaper off to the side.
Dmitri shook his head, biting the inside of his cheek. “No. I need to keep myself occupied.” Dmitri was struggling not to picture the way Raphael would get ready for his metaphorical date with Rian. He didn’t want to think about him making a big, concentrated effort on his looks, on his desirability for a man who would probably gladly spend the rest of his life making Raphael happy—and he would deserve it, because Raphael deserved to be adored. Universally and completely.
Dmitri felt like he might choke on both envy and joy.
“I feel like maybe you need to talk about this,” Roman said. He shifted over, nudging Dmitri with his elbow until he shifted toward the end of the dock. Wordlessly, both men peeled away boots and socks, Roman undoing the straps on his orthotics before cuffing his pants. The lake was too cold to submerge more than the edge of their toes, but the sharp bite of it did the trick and Dmitri thought about that instead of Raphael falling in love with someone who wasn’t him.
“Better?”
