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Dmitri stepped away just slightly and offered a smile. “Of course. Are you still going to get drinks?”
Paxton nodded. “Scout’s honor this time. Wait for me?”
“I’m going to say hi to Raphael.”
Paxton wrinkled his nose. “Right. You guys are like…friends, right?”
Dmitri wanted to argue it was more than that, because friends didn’t sum up what they had, even outside of the way he loved Raphael. But he didn’t have words in any language, so he just shrugged. “Yeah, we are.”
“That’s…” Paxton started, then shook his head. “It’s cool. See you in a few.”
He was off again, and Dmitri brushed off the weirdness before he made his way over and gave a shy wave. “Hey, everyone.”
Rian broke into a big grin. “Raphael said he wasn’t sure if you were going to make it tonight.”
Something like pain hit his gut, and he looked at Raphael, who almost seemed guilty. “Why wouldn’t I?”
“You were exhausted,” Raphael said. “I was hoping you might have stayed home to sleep.”
Dmitri swallowed thickly, because he wanted to take him at his word, but he was suddenly and wildly terrified that maybe Raphael didn’t want him here. “Well, I have a date.”
“We saw,” Raphael said. “With Paxton. You didn’t tell me you were seeing him.”
Dmitri felt both defensive again and guilty, because it wasn’t like him to keep his life a secret, but he was trying to draw those lines now. He had to pull back at some point if he was ever going to let go. “It’s new. I mean, we met a few weeks ago, but we had our first date this week.”
“So this is date two?” Rian asked, smiling wider. “He’s cute.”
“Yeah,” Dmitri breathed. He opened his mouth to say more, but Rian leaned into Raphael and murmured something into his ear. Raphael smiled in a way Dmitri had never seen before, and his heart felt like it was snapped into a thousand pieces. “I, uh…I should go find him. You two have fun.”
He started off, and he was pretty sure someone called his name, but he didn’t turn back. He walked, pushing through people he knew and people he didn’t. He kept his head bowed and his eyes down because the sight of people standing there madly in love was just too gutting right then. He wasn’t going to run. He just needed a moment—just a second to breathe. It would be alright.
Eventually.
17
Raphael’s stomachsank down to his feet, and he pulled away from Rian slightly, frowning in the direction Dmitri had run off. “That was weird, right?”
Luca let out a small sigh and shook his head. “Has he talked to you much lately?”
Shaking his head, Raphael tried to remember the last time he and Dmitri had spent any real time together, but it had been weeks. For a second, he thought about blaming Dmitri’s work and school schedule, but in reality, he knew it was mostly him. Dmitri had reached out in those early days, and Raphael had brushed him off. Their lunches and late-night dinners had dwindled to nothing, and Raphael’s texts had been one or two words at most.
He’d fucked up. That much was obvious. In his attempt to move on, he’d pushed Dmitri away, and that was the last thing in the world he wanted. “I should go talk to him.”
“I think,” Luca said, “we should get some food and let him have a moment.”
“Why don’t I grab plates,” Rian offered, and while Raphael would have normally been annoyed at the offer, right then he was grateful for it.
“Thank you. You know what to choose?”
“I think so,” Rian said with a grin, and smudged a kiss to his cheek.
He wandered off, and Raphael followed Luca to a cluster of tables near the window that had been mostly abandoned. He set his crutches against the glass, then sank back with a groan and refused to meet his friend’s eyes, because he knew what he would see.
“How long have you been in love with Dmitri?”
Raphael’s stomach twisted. He knew he’d never been great at keeping secrets, but he had tried his damndest to be quiet about it. Still, it was Luca asking, point blank, and he couldn’t evade or lie. “I don’t know. I think I liked him the moment our friendship started. It was slow. Sneaky,” he added, finally looking up.
He didn’t see pity in Luca’s eyes, or judgment, but there was sympathy. “Have you told him?”
