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“Yes, you did,” Raphael countered. “You’re a good person, Rian. I fully believe this, and I think you’ll find someone who fits with you. But it’s not me.”
“I know.” Rian rubbed a hand down his face. “I have a lot to work on.”
“You’re not the only one.” Raphael moved toward the bench and eased himself down. “Someone will come along in a few minutes, and they’ll give me a ride. If you could just leave my bag—”
“Let me,” Rian started, but Raphael shook his head.
“It’s better if we end this right here. Don’t you think?” He looked at Rian, refusing to break their gaze, refusing to give in to his cowardice and pretend like none of this mattered to either of them. In truth, he’d been in the wrong. He’d used Rian to fill a hole that was entirely the wrong shape for him, and he’d spent all of this time ignoring the truth—that Dmitri loved him back.
He let his fear take over, control the moment, rob him of something that would have been so good. A year wasted on letting his past dictate his future, and Rian was hurt in the process. But that was changing. He’d give Dmitri a few days, let him put himself back together a little bit, let him cope. And then he’d find him. Whatever the outcome—whatever Dmitri was ready for, Raphael would accept it.
He just couldn’t live in this silence anymore.
18
Luca foundRaphael not more than five minutes after he watched Rian’s car pull out of the parking lot, and he leaned gently into the arms that came around him and held him tight. Wilder showed up not long after, pressing up against Raphael’s other side, and the baker took his hand, his burn-calloused fingers pressing into his skin.
When Luca said he was going home with them, he didn’t put up a fight. He stared at his bag for a long time, then slung it over his shoulder before adjusting his crutches again, and they made their way to Wilder’s car long before anyone else left the party.
He was grateful to be spared any more scrutiny, and he was grateful that he worked in the salon rather than one of the more public jobs, because he knew it would be a while before all of it blew over. He was half waiting for the Sheriff to show up at Wilder’s door the next day to take him in for assault, but by the mid-afternoon, he started to relax from his little nest Luca had created for him on the couch.
“Here,” his friend said, handing over some soup. “It’s my mom’s recipe, but I took out the noodles and added extra chicken and carrots.”
Raphael offered him a slight smile, sipping on the broth which had almost no salt, but rich with spices and it soothed him more than he expected it to. “I’m going to have to go find him, you know.”
“Yes.” Luca swirled his soup around with his spoon, not looking up at his friend. “Adriano texted and said that everyone was ready to ruin Paxton. The party kind of died after that.”
Raphael winced. “I shouldn’t have caused a scene.”
At that, Luca snorted. “Bullshit. You should have hit him in the fucking balls with your crutches. Adriano wasn’t upset because you hit Paxton. He’s upset that Dmitri was on a date with a guy like that.”
An attempted rapist, Raphael thought. He’d walked in on the scene early, but there was no telling what Paxton would have done—and there was no knowing what he already had put Dmitri through before anyone got there. He felt a ball of fiery rage in his gut when he thought about Paxton’s last words before Talia hauled him out, and he felt the same way Luca did. If he had the chance to do it again, he’d use more than a fist.
“Has anyone heard from him?” he asked after a bit.
Luca shrugged. “You’d know better than me, babe. I helped Wilder with prep this morning, but he said Dmitri hadn’t called in or anything.”
“He’s not going to fire him, is he?”
“No, Raph, Jesus,” Luca said, and Raphael knew it was a stupid thought before he even said it. “He’s just worried.”
Raphael nodded, because he was too. He was aching with it, and there was a sort of urgent anxiety that was prickling up and down his spine since the sun had come up, and he knew the only way to ease it would be to find Dmitri. “Do you think it’s too soon to go look for him?”
“Maybe,” Luca said, “but you probably should anyway. Want me to drive you?”
“I wouldn’t know where to start.” But he leaned forward and set his bowl down before taking out his phone and pulling up his last text thread with Dmitri. It was benign—it was terrible. It was two words in response to Dmitri telling him about his day, and he felt like he had let him down. The love of his life, and he hadn’t been there for him—even as a friend.
Raphael: I won’t bother you if you need time, but I just want to know you’re okay.
He waited five minutes, but the text remained unopened, so he pushed himself up and put his phone in his pocket. “Let’s start at his place.”
Luca nodded and hurried for his keys.
It wasn’t a surprise when no one came to the door, and Luca pressed his ear to the wood, then shook his head. “I don’t hear the TV or anything. He’s probably not in.”
Raphael bit the inside of his cheek, then sighed. “I’ll feel better once we find someone who had seen him. I think we should try the ranger’s station first, and then we can start combing town.”
Luca led the way back to the car, and it wasn’t long before they were pulling up the long road to the big lake. Raphael felt his stomach sink when he didn’t see Dmitri’s car there, but he got out anyway and took the path with careful steps, knocking on the door before letting himself in.
