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Come morning, Dmitri’s anxiety made him doubt those words. What if his reputation was too tarnished for people to believe him? What if they thought he was asking for it?
What if they thought Paxton was right?
He spent the night staring up at his ceiling, watching shadows from the trees outside play across the pale white surface. By morning, he was bone-tired but restless, and when he called in to see if Roman had work, he was dismissed to rest. It stung, but he understood because had it been anyone else, he would have said the same.
He didn’t bother with Wilder. His other boss would have had him come in only to mother him, and Luca would over-compensate, and Dmitri felt like he would crack under the softness of his friends. So, he left. He went for a drive, all the way down the hill and back, and then he walked. People saw him, they waved, and he saw pity and sympathy in their eyes. It was enough to ease some of his fears, but he still jumped every time a shop door opened and a person walked out.
He realized he was afraid to see Paxton. He didn’t fear the man—not physically, but he knew he couldn’t take another confrontation that soon. It was no surprise, in the end, that he found himself sitting on the hood of his car in the corner of that parking lot. And it was no surprise when Raphael eventually found him.
He just hadn’t expected the rest.
He knew someday someone would love him as he was—for the person he was, without wanting to fix him or change him or shape him into something new. He just hadn’t been brave enough to believe it could be Raphael. He hadn’t expected Raphael to apologize, to hold the blame, then to kiss him until Dmitri couldn’t feel his fingers and toes.
* * *
When they finally got back toRaphael’s place, in spite of his exhaustion, he hadn’t expected to sleep. Hell, he hadn’t expected himself to say yes when Raphael invited him inside, but his feet moved before he was consciously aware of it, and he didn’t put up a fight when Raphael bundled him up on the sofa, kissed his forehead, and said he was going to make tea. But that was the last thing he remembered until he woke up with his feet in Raphael’s hands and the TV on in the background.
When he shifted, Raphael’s grip on him tightened for a moment, then slowly released, and Dmitri felt the absence of the touch almost painfully. The comfort of Raphael’s touch was like finally being able to take a full breath. He wriggled his toes until Raphael laughed and resumed his tender massage, and then Dmitri rolled onto his back.
“How long was I out?”
Raphael gave him a dark look. “Three days, Dmitri.”
He sat half up in a panic until he saw the mirth in his friend’s eyes, then he sank back down and kicked him in the thigh. “God, you’re such a dick.”
Raphael chuckled and dug his thumbs into Dmitri’s arch. “A couple of hours is all. You could probably use more rest.”
Dmitri scrubbed at his eyes, and he knew Raphael was right, but he still had work that week, and he had midterms to study for. At the thought of school, he remembered Rian, and then the events of the past few hours crashed into him, and he wrenched away from Raphael, curling up against the arm of the sofa.
“Oh my God. You kissed me. On my car, we…I told you to kiss me, and you did!”
Raphael frowned. “Yes. I did.”
“You…we. You took me home. I’m here.”
Raphael passed a hand down his face, then pressed his curled knuckles down into the sofa cushion so he could adjust himself to better face Dmitri. “Yes. You are here.”
“You said you were in love with me,” he whispered.
Raphael frowned at him for a long time. “I don’t understand. If I took advantage…”
“You’re dating someone. You’re dating my professor—and you just cheated on him with me.”
Raphael blinked, then sagged and almost looked relieved, which made Dmitri’s stomach twist harder. “Ah. Please, stop panicking. I didn’t cheat.”
Dmitri shook his head. “I don’t think I can share. I’m sorry—I want to be more open-minded, and I think I am, but I don’t think I can let you…”
His rambling stopped when Raphael reached for him, and as wrong as it felt, he let the man he loved gather him close, kiss him gently on his cheeks until his breathing slowed. “Rian and I are over.”
“Because of me,” Dmitri murmured. He bowed his head and rested his face against Raphael’s chest.
“Yes, but I didn’t cheat. Rian knew I was in love with someone else, and I broke it off with him before we found you with Paxton.”
Dmitri gave an involuntary flinch, then sighed a little when Raphael’s grip on him went a little tighter. “Does he know it’s me?”
“He does now. He didn’t before,” Raphael admitted. He pushed at Dmitri until he sat back, then he cupped his cheek gently with stiff fingers that felt heavy and perfect against his flushed skin. “When we found you—when he saw me look at you, I think he knew then.”
Dmitri bit his top lip hard before letting it go. “How the hell can I show my face in his class ever again?”
