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Something moved beneath my sternum at how Enosh lifted out a grave, the very act of it going against everything I thought I’d known about this man. No grave was needed for him to rot Anna… but still, he dug it anyway.
Once the hole was deep enough, he lowered Anna into her grave and covered her with dirt. Then, a moment later,poof, the soil collapsed.
Beside me, her mother whimpered, “What happened?”
“It’s rot,” I explained from the little I’ve seen of it. “She’s at rest now.”
“Thank y-you,” the woman whispered, her filth-crusted face rubbing over my feathers, streaking them brown.
We left her by the grave and rode off, a whirlwind of emotions raging at my core as I glanced back at Enosh. “Why did you do this? Why make a grave?”
Seconds ticked into eternity as he remained silent until, after a heavy swallow, he said, “Because Idoknow the sorrow and agony of losing a child.”
Chapter15
Ada
My heart shriveled inside my chest. “You had a child?”
“Not truly.” Enosh’s gaze went adrift somewhere in the distance. “I only got to enjoy the cadence of her heartbeat for a little while before Mertok took her away. My daughter died in Njala’s belly when the commander slit her throat.”
There was that pity again, shifting beneath my ribs as if it rearranged them right along with my perception of this man. More than just the loss of a child lingered in his tone. I heard the agonizing loneliness of his existence, the monotony of an eternal life committed to duty, and the lament this had caused him.
As someone who’d prayed for a child many times, I understood the gnawing ache of its absence. If someone took my child from me, chances were, I’d call them wicked, too.
Or worse… vow revenge.
I glanced up at Enosh, the stubble on his usually pristine face so unlike the chiseled perfection he’d maintained for over a month. “I didn’t think gods could sire children. Why was your daughter not like you? Immortal?”
“Who can say?” He shrugged too stiffly to carry his usual aloofness. “Among mortals, not all children inherit their father’s curses, do they?”
My ears twitched at the dismay in the undertone of his voice. “So you consider your immortality a curse?”
“Ever since I stood over the body of my dead child…” His eyes took mine captive with their unguarded openness, as though he allowed me a rare glimpse of the man behind the mask. “Wanting to follow her, but duty-bound to remain here for eternity, left with nothing but the memory of her heart’s cadence.”
Everything stilled inside me, giving resonance to his words and the pain they held, almost like an echo of my own. “As far back as I can think, I’ve always wanted a child.”
“Yes, your love for children is evident. I have no doubt you will be with child before long.”
That took me aback. “But I’m barren.”
“Your womb is healthy and hale.”
Cautious excitement coursed through me. “Because you untwisted it.”
“Oh, my little one, you have never been barren,” he said. “Has it never occurred to you that the fault was with John?”
My blood chilled.
No. Never.
Every man knew the woman was to blame. But then again, no man knew Enosh was a god, so maybe men knew nothing at all. If the god who ruled over flesh and bone said I’d never been barren, then why would I doubt him? Enosh could be cold and cruel, but he was as honest in his threats as in his promises.
My next breath suspended itself at the idea and all that it implied. Had I truly blamed myself all those years for no reason, shouldering John’s disappointment and the gossip of Hemdale?
Unwoman.
Subtle anger weaved through me at the memory of the word, the hushed whispers that had followed me from village to village. How some had warned women away from me as if I carried a disease. What if I fell pregnant with Enosh’s child?
