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A blast of shadows kicked Asker back.
I dropped to the ground.
And so did Asker. There he stayed, pounding his fist against his temple as he cried. Marla cried louder, harder.
Tears streamed down my cheeks, clogging my throat until salt mixed with bile. I retched onto the white ground under sobs, my chin dipping into it each time I rocked back and forth, back and forth, back and forth, the agonizing pain in my chest all-consuming.
I hadn’t protected her.
Hadn’t saved her.
I’d failed.
ChapterSixteen
Galantia
Present Day, Tidestone
Asingle tear slipped from the corner of my eye, tracing a wet trail down my cheek and soaking into the fabric of Sebian’s shirt where my head still rested on his broad chest. The hardship he’d gone through, the self-blame, the guilt he must have endured all these years… The aching truth of it all touched me, but it was the fact that he’d shared it with me—the intimacy of being so open and vulnerable—that made me feel closer to him than ever before.
“Ravenna was already dead when you woke, wasn’t she?” Just like his sister had been when he’d watched her body getting raped, likely putting him in a state of shock. Heavens, chances were he’d had a concussion. “That was the pain in your chest, wasn’t it? The pain of having lost your bondmate?”
“Yeah.” His voice was choked, heavy with emotions. “I didn’t realize it then. Fuck, it took me months to figure it out, and years to make peace with that. Five years, to be exact. And the tension between Asker and me wasn’t helping.”
“He still blames you?”
“Yes.” There was a brief pause. “Actually, as of recently, I’m not sure anymore. Before the attack, he had a vision that showed me leaving a nearby tavern, but he had no time to give it much attention. And Ihadcome from a tavern before my unkindness got attacked, but I wasn’t drunk. Did I like my cup of wine now and then? Sure, but not before a watch. Never.”
My thoughts trailed back to Asker’s stern remarks, and how Malyr had told me the night of thekjaerthat Sebian had been drunk most of the time. Maybe he’d heard Asker accuse him of it so many times, that Sebian had succumbed to it, just to prove his father-in-law right and reinforce his own guilt?
Swallowing hard, I blinked away new tears over the tragedy of that, my hand lightly tracing the lines of his scars beneath his shirt. “Why were you there?”
“Ravenna couldn’t keep anything down in the mornings because of the… the baby.” That last word carried a sort of forlorn reverence. He’d lost so much that night—his mate, his unborn child, his sister, mother. Everything. “She wasn’t far along. We’d only found out two weeks prior when the pregnancy wouldn’t let her shift anymore. Before my watch started, I decided to get her some of her favorite pie, hoping she might have better luck with that.”
“Which is why he thought you’d spent the night at the tavern, drinking.”
The stubble on his chin caught on my hair as he nodded. “When I told Asker of the attack, he brushed it off as a lie. Marla… well, she was too grief-stricken to care. Until she saw the truth in a vision about a year ago, but it was all too late then.”
A deep ache formed a knot in my stomach. The enormity of Sebian’s suffering was almost too much to comprehend, and all this time, he’d hid it behind smirks and smiles. It made sense now why he’d struggled to be with me fully. How could it not?
But as the weight of his tragic past settled heavily on my shoulders, a disquieting uncertainty prickled at the back of my mind. Whathadhe felt for me? Lust, obviously—he’d never lacked that. But what about affection? What about… love?
I listened to the steady beat of his heart, trying to find courage in it. “Sebian?”
“Hmm?” A quiet rumble, a subtle encouragement in the silent room.
“Now that I know everything, where does that leave us?” I asked. “Because I’m telling you, I’m done begging for scraps of affection, just to find out they were nothing but hollow bones to begin with.”
His large hand slowed those circles it drew on my back, letting me know that my question had his attention. Silence stretched, the world waiting with bated breath. Gradually, he shifted underneath me, pulling back just enough to glance down at me and meet my gaze.
“I spent the last five years unattached because I didn’t think it was right to be with someone, or maybe I thought I didn’t deserve to have someone. I don’t know.” His fingertips brushed down along my temple, caressing my cheek before his thumb played with the corner of my mouth. “With you, it just… happened, and I’m done fighting it.”
Warmth spread through me at his words, yet it wasn’t enough. “And what exactly is it that happened?”
One corner of his mouth tugged into a lopsided smirk, his gaze wandering to my lips. “Going after those bones, sweetheart, aren’t we? Checking if there’s some meat on them.”
I lifted my head off his chest, loving the way his hand pressed down on my back, as if to ensure I wouldn’t bring another inch of distance between us. “I want to hear you say it.”
