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‘What’s wrong, buddy? I thought you wanted to go back? You love Gramma’s cooking, and I bet she still has some cookies.” The ones we had taken home were already long-gone.
“I don’t WANT cookies, I want GRILLED CHEESE.” The shriek was ear-splitting, and I had no idea how he managed to make that sound.
I took a deep breath to control the tide of anger rising in my chest. I was the adult here. I needed to practice patience. “Well, I’m sorry bud, I already told Gramma we’re coming. So she’s cooking dinner for us. We can do grilled cheese tomorrow?”
“You PROMISED we’d have grilled cheese TONIGHT. You promised me FIRST!” Tears were streaming down his little cheeks, already leaving damp spots on his shirt.
My patience dwindled. Instead of appeasing, I went for the firm ‘dad-voice shut it down’ approach. “I’m the parent here, okay?Isay we’re going to Gramma and Grandpa’s and that’s it. We’ll have grilled cheese another night.”
“I WANT-”
“I DON’T CARE what you want!” I shouted back, slamming my hand on the steering wheel. “I’m your dad. You listen tome. End of story. Screaming about it doesn’t get your way. It’s about time you learned that.”
Ethan devolved into hysterical crying, kicking the back of the seat in an all-out tantrum. Olivia ducked her head, covering her ears.
Shit. So much for dad of the year.
We were only a few blocks from my parents’ house, but I pulled over and got out of the truck, closing the door and taking a moment to breathe.
He was only seven. I knew he didn’t handle change well. I was supposed to be the adult here. I should know better.
Drawing in a deep, fortifying breath, I walked around to the passenger side and opened Ethan’s door. He was still wailing.
I put my hand on his shoulder. “Ethan, I’m really sorry. I shouldn’t have yelled at you. Can we talk for a minute?”
His eyes grew wide, and he gulped down air, wiping his cheeks with the back of his hand. His sobs quieted somewhat, but his little face was still angry.
Progress.
“I’m sorry, I should have remembered that I promised you grilled cheese tonight. I know you don’t like it when we change plans, and that’s my fault, okay?”
He nodded, although his expression remained resentful.
“I just thought you’d be excited to go see Grandpa again, so when Gramma called to invite us over, I didn’t even think about it. I bet you know how that happens, sometimes? When you just say yes to something that sounds good without thinking too hard about it? I’m a grown-up but I still make mistakes. I know I’m not perfect, but I’m trying my best.”
“I know, Daddy,” he hiccuped. “It’s okay.”
“Thank you, Ethan. Do you think, just for tonight, we could go to Gramma’s and be happy to be there? I already promised we were coming and I know she and Grandpa would be sad if we didn’t go now.”
He thought about this seriously for a moment. “Okay, but can we still have grilled cheese another time?”
The tension in my chest loosened. “You got it, buddy. And I promise I won’t change plans on you like that again. Can I have a hug?”
He threw his arms wide, and I leaned into the truck to embrace him, still in his booster seat. I felt his little hand patting my back, like he was comforting me, and tears pricked at the back of my eyes.
When I pulled back he smiled, his face already returning to a normal color.
“Thanks buddy. Now let’s go see what kind of goodies Gramma made for us!”
I closed his door and climbed back into the driver's seat, then finished the trip to my parents. Ethan raced up the walkway and into the house, and I climbed out, surprised to find Olivia still in the truck.
“You okay, honey?” I opened the door for her. “I’m sorry for yelling. That wasn’t very good daddy behavior.”
She unbuckled her seat and gave me a half smile. “No, it wasn’t. But you did good after.”
“I did?” I asked, surprised at her speaking up at all.
“Yeah, it’s what mommy would have done.”
