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At this, my brother’s gaze goes to my belly. Then, looking up, “Why him?”
Before I can say anything to my brother, Ledger growls, “Leave her alone.”
Reed ignores him though as he repeats, “Why him, Tempest?”
Because once upon a time, I loved him. And I loved him like crazy and all the dreams that I’d ever had became attached to him. And even though things are different now — I’m not in love anymore and he will never be; plus both our lives are messy — I still wanted a piece of him. I still wanted something to remember him by.
Because for the life of me, I can’t imagine not having that.
I can’t imagine not being connected to him in some way.
It started out as revenge, an effort for me to move on but it has become so much more now. We have become so much more than who we were to each other.
We are a family.
And guess what, he ended up giving me so much more than a baby too.
He gave me my self back.
For the past year, I’ve been living in shame.
Shame for falling in love with him. Shame for pursuing him. Shame for being stupid enough to think that there could be something between us. But he taught me different. He made me realize that I’m brave.
And so tonight, I’m also going to let go the shame that I’ve harbored even before this last year.
The shame of falling for my brother’s enemy. The guilt for betraying him.
Because I wasn’t. I was just following my heart.
And doing that can never be wrong.
Could I possibly hurt my brother with this news that I’m about to give him, yes. And I’m sorry for that. I’ll always be sorry for whatever hurt I’m about to dole out to him in this moment. But I’m not going to feel sorry for wanting who I wanted before and for taking him in whatever capacity that I could now.
So steeling my spine, I reply, “Because he and I, we have history.”
“History,” my brother says in a flat voice.
“Yes.” I nod, still keeping a hand on my stomach proudly. “I know this will come as a shock to you because I never told you. And that’s on me. I should’ve told you. I should’ve said something. Way before this. But for the longest time I thought I was betraying you. I was betraying your trust for… wanting the guy you hated so much. Because I did. I did want him. I more than wanted him. I loved him and... And the truth is that I don’t want to be ashamed anymore. Of the past and who I wanted. Or of the fact that I chose to do this. Because being ashamed of that would mean being ashamed of myself and I’m not. I’m not ashamed of myself or what I want. In fact, I’m brave. For wanting these things and going after them. Even if they seem unconventional to others.”
I press a hand on my belly. “And I know it may look unconventional to you. Maybe even a mistake. But it’s not. It’s my decision. A very adult decision. Something that I’ve thought about really long and hard. And if you just let him go and forget your anger for a second, I’ll tell you everything. About the past. About why I chose to do this, okay? Just please, I —”
“How long?” Reed asks.
“What?”
“How long is your fucking history?”
Before I can answer him though, Ledger goes, “Leave her the fuck alone.”
Something about Ledger’s voice registers with Reed and he turns back to him. “Or what?”
“Or it’s time that I show you…” for the first time tonight, he goes for my brother’s fists in his t-shirt and shakes them loose, “…how to really lay down a punch.”
“Yeah, what was stopping you before?”
Ledger’s ticking jaw is his only answer.
“I’m guessing my sister, huh. Who’s apparently your girlfriend. Well, your knocked up girlfriend. Who just told me she’s been betraying me all this time.”
I flinch at Reed’s angry tone.
And I know Ledger notices because his tone gets eerily soft. “You wanna be pissy about that, be my fucking guest. But if you upset her in this condition, after she puked her guts out in your bathroom, I will make you swallow your own teeth, you understand? Before you can ever come for mine.”
“Is that so?”
“Fuck yeah,” Ledger bites out. “And you don’t want to test me on that because if we’re giving each other high school labels now, then let me tell you that she’s not my fucking girlfriend. She’s the girl I’d burn down the world for. The girl I’d kill for. And then die a thousand fucking deaths for. And yes, I knocked her up. Not with one but two babies. Which means I don’t have just two but three people to protect now. I’d fucking bury you in the ground without so much as a thought while your wife and your sister watch. So I suggest you think really long and hard before opening your mouth.”
