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"I didn't have a choice."
"What did you think would happen once you had it?" I ask, the same question I asked her last night. I should have told her then what was at stake and what was happening. Before I ever took her to my bed, I should have spelled it out in black and white. I'm an asshole for not doing it. But I was trying to keep this very thing from happening. "They would have killed you, Athena."
She flinches.
"They wouldn't have had a choice because we can't let Rafe fall. You think the FBI is the glue holding this city together?" I snort. "You couldn't stop Tommaso last year. You think you'd fare any better if all-out war broke out?" We both know the answer to that. The FBI isn't equipped to handle that kind of situation.
Rafe is the only thing these motherfuckers fear. So long as he's on the throne, they'll tow the line because they don't want to end up like Tommaso, shot in the head and made an example.
"You don't have to like my choice," I say. "You don't even have to understand it, bella. But I didn't make it for the hell of it. I made it to keep you safe. Because at the end of the day, that's what mattered to me. Ensuring you survived."
"Maybe that's what you tell yourself, Diego, but it's a lie." She dabs at her eyes again. "Because you had another choice. You could have chosen to trust me, but that thought never entered your mind, did it? You were so sure I'd have chosen my job over you that you decided not to even give me a chance. You're so used to watching you back, that you were looking for a knife from me the whole time." She smiles sadly. "I trusted you. But I never stood a chance of earning your trust because you aren't capable of giving it."
"I trust you, Athena."
"No, you don't. If you did, you would have told me the truth and let me make the choice myself. Instead, you made it for me."
"Then make your choice, Athena. Right here and now."
"What's the point? You already made it for me."
"Tell me, bella. What would you have chosen?"
"You, you idiot. I would have chosen you." More tears spill down her cheeks. "Despite everything, I still choose you."
I take a step toward her, my heart in my throat.
"But this is over, Diego." Her voice cracks as she stumbles backward, inching toward the end of the hallway. "I'll keep your secrets, but whatever was between us is over."
"Athena, bella." My stomach twists into knots. My heart threatens to shatter. She means it. Christ. She's walking away. Not because of her job but because of me. Because I fucked up. And this time, I don't think I can fix it. I lost her before I ever had her, and nothing I say now will convince her that I trust her. The proof she needed is too little, too late.
"If you come near me again, I swear to God, I'll shoot you and claim it was self-defense," she vows, her watery eyes full of righteous fury.
I bow my head, truly ashamed for the first time in my life.
Chapter Ten
Athena
No one stops me as I stumble out of Rafe Valentino's house. They just let me go. Either they aren't concerned about me talking, or they don't plan on me living long enough to be a problem. I'm not sure which it is. Right now, I'm not sure I even care.
I stumble to my car on numb legs. Everything feels numb, frozen solid. I want to scream and rage and cry, but I can't. I have to get the hell out of here before I let him convince me to stay. He could do it so easily.
God, even now, he has such power over me. I guess that's what love does. Makes us stupid. It certainly made me a fool. Even knowing he was up to something, I fell right into his arms. I gave him my heart. I let him do things to me that I'll never be able to take back or forget.
And God help me, as much as I want to hate him, I don't. I can't. I feel sorry for him. He lives in a world of vipers. They plot and deceive and betray as easily as they breathe. Of course he expected the same of me. It's all he knows.
That doesn't make it hurt any less.
I would have given up everything for him. I did give it up for him. The moment he touched me the first time, I knew my career was over. I think I let myself fall because I knew I was over. But in his eyes, I was always the enemy.
In his eyes, I'll always be the enemy.
