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P.S. How was the game? The other girl was a no-show. I got in a little late, so do me a favor and keep quiet until three or so. If I can sleep that long, that’ll be great. I’ll probably be up around one-ish, but I’m hoping for three.
I exhaled a breath. Thank God. Going back to her room, I slowly cracked open her door, and there she was, burrowed under the sheets. Her blinds were pulled, and I could hear her soft snoring. I grinned. Her snores sounded like a rabbit sneezing.
We were okay. I shut her door and headed back upstairs, stopping in the bathroom to clean up. Scout was looking at his phone when I came back to my room. “My mom’s sleeping.”
He rubbed his hand over his jaw, nodding. There were bags under his eyes. “Sorry I fell asleep.”
“It was late and an intense night.” I fell back into my bed with a yawn. “I’m going to sleep a little longer.”
He stood by my bed, looking down at me.
“What?”
“Nothing.” He turned to leave.
“Hey.” I sat back up. “What is it?”
“I’m going to ask my uncle for the weekend. I’ll start training on Monday.”
“That’s what you were just thinking? Not about . . .” His grandfather?
“No. I was thinking about what I was going to do today.”
I frowned. “What do you usually do on Saturdays?”
“I go to the gym and stay there all day. Then shower and head out with Cohen and probably your cousins.”
“The guys will want to hang out today.”
His lips curved up. “We’ll see. Sometimes they need a day. I’ll reach out later.”
His eyes held mine.
I remembered the frenzied energy he had when he showed up last night.
“Hey.”
He’d started to leave but looked back.
I settled deeper into my pillows. “Thanks for making me feel good last night too.”
He gave a slight nod before leaving.
I didn’t sleep. Instead, I reached for my phone because we’d talked a little about his stuff, but my stuff had been in the back of my mind since yesterday.
I needed to know what was going on in Cedra Valley.
I texted Traitor 1.
Me: What do you mean he’s getting backlash?
She texted immediately.
Traitor 1: People are starting to talk. More are believing you. There’s a whole group that’s formed for justice for you and your dad.
Traitor 1: I’m sorry I didn’t stand by you. There’s no excuse. I’m sorry.
I blocked her.
My heart pounded. I couldn’t go there. I needed a wall, but . . . something stirred inside me.
People were starting to believe me.
56
RAMSAY
Dad.
It’s been so long. Too long. I’m sorry that I’ve not let myself think of you or talk to you or feel you. No matter how bad it still hurts, it’s not a good enough reason. I’m sorry.
I’d be pissed if I was on the other side, watching me, and you weren’t talking to me. I’m hoping you’re with mom today because I’m dress shopping for the Homecoming dance. It’s not my idea. I’m being forced.
I have these new friends. Gem. Theresa. Alred.
I’m really liking Gem. Theresa is . . . I think we’ll be good friends. We’ll see. Jury is still out. And Alred. I’m sure you already know that I luh-ve Alred. He has flair, is hilarious, and very kind. You used to tell me to trust my gut, which . . . I didn’t, Dad. I’m sorry.
I didn’t listen to that voice when I should’ve, and it’s my fault. Everything’s my fault.
Logically, I know it’s not. It’s his, but logic doesn’t seem to matter when it feels like my fault. And I have to pretend around others that I don’t feel this way, but I do.
Is that okay?
I’m scared to ask about what you think about how I’m doing? Am I doing okay?
Me and Scout . . . okay, I don’t think I want to know what you think about him. He drives me crazy, but sometimes he’s not so bad. He makes me feel, though. I’ve not felt anything for so long. I get mad at him. I want to yell at him, curse at him, shove him. I want to deck him sometimes. He has that effect. He’s an asshole a lot of the times.
But he makes me feel alive.
And Mom. Are you checking on her for me? She’s working herself to death.
I don’t know what’s going on with Aunt Ailes and Uncle Nick. With his affair. I forgot about it for a while, and I’ve not told Clint and the guys. What do you think? Should I tell them? They have a right to know, right?
Aunt Ailes said she was going to tell them, but I don’t think she has, but I also don’t think it’s my place, you know?
Can you help? Is that even fair for me to ask? After what you gave for me?
