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“Doesn’t it look dumb without the belt?” I ask.
“It looks perfect. You look perfect.” He kisses my neck and wraps his arms around my waist, resting his hands on my bump.
“How did you do that?” I ask, meeting his gaze in the mirror. “You just walked in and fixed it.”
He spins me around, then dips his head down to look into my eyes. “Is it possible the belt isn’t the real problem? You told me what happened in the meeting about your mom in the car yesterday, but you barely talked to me once we got home.”
My face falls. I wish he’d let it go. I didn’t want to talk about it because I didn’t want to rehash problems that can’t be fixed. “It is what it is. There’s nothing more to tell.”
“Except how you feel about it.”
I spin back around, fussing with my hair, even though it looks fine. “It sucks, and it just… hurts. I don’t know what else there is to say.”
He runs his hands from his shoulders down my arms. “We don’t have to do this today if it’s too much.”
I turn to him, scoffing loudly. “Uh, yeah we do. I didn’t spend weeks with your mom, Dani, and Amanda, planning our baby shower with all our friends and family so we could cancel it at the last minute. Not to mention we have the entertaining space at The Rooftop rented out. We’re not canceling. Our daughter deserves to be celebrated.” I sigh and drop my hands from my hair, then turn back to him. To my surprise, he’s smiling.
“What?”
“I hate that you’re hurting, but I love the way you said ‘our friends and family.’”
A tiny smile tugs at my lips. “Maybe I’m finally starting to believe that. And I want them to feel that way in return.” I give him a sheepish smile.
“They do. I’m sure of that. And they all love you. Us.” He rests his hand on my stomach. “This might be the most loved kid in the world already.”
I wrap my arms around his neck.“Thatis why I want to celebrate.”
He pulls me close and kisses me deeply. “Sounds perfect. Let’s go.”
“I can’t thank you enough for this. It’s beautiful,” I say to Katie and Dani as we stand to the side watching all the laughter and love at this party. I was adamant I didn’t want to do a girls-only shower. I wanted to have everyone important in our lives here, and I’m so glad that’s how it turned out.
“It was my honor to help plan this,” Katie says. “Thank you for letting me into your life and being my bonus daughter.”
“Don’t make her cry,” Dani says with a laugh, elbowing Katie.
“I’m okay,” I say quietly, though I’m fighting back tears. I have been all day. Happy tears, sad tears, wistful tears. All the tears.
I take a steadying breath, then look back out at everyone. There are games and contests set up for people to play. We made all the games silent, and you can put your completed papers in a basket for a chance to win a prize. There are also baby boards which feature collages of photos of Miles and me as babies. Katie borrowed some of my photo albums and made digital copies of pictures of baby me. Then she put all our photos in black and white and numbered them, so people can go through and guess who is who. It’s cute, especially because there are a few action shots where it’s impossible to tell. Otherwise, it’s pretty obvious since Miles has dark hair and a warmer skin tone. It makes me wonder what our daughter will look like. If she’ll take after one of us or be a perfect mix of us both.
I wander over to the picture boards, trying to conjure a mental image of what she might look like. I’m sort of hoping it’ll help with the name aspect because that’s one place Miles and I have not come up with any ideas. I know we still have time, but I’d like to know her name before we go to the hospital.
“This is the best baby shower I’ve ever been to,” Rae says, coming to stand beside me.
“Probably because you helped plan it,” I tease.
“Maybe, but it’s not just that. It’s warm and sweet and not tacky.” She laughs and points at the board. “This is my favorite baby picture of Miles.” She’s pointing to one where he’s in the bath, smacking the water and making a crazy face. It’s one of the photos where it’s harder to tell which of us it is, but of course Rae knows. She’s told me before she’s a picture fanatic. “You were a pretty cute kid, too. Means you’re obviously going to have an adorable baby.”
“Aren’t all babies adorable?” I ask.
She squints at me. “Oh my god, you’re serious. I wish I could say yes, but some babies are not so adorable. I mean, I think the baby cuteness is there just because they’re warm and snuggly and have that perfect baby smell, but based on looks alone, they aren’t always cute.” She grabs my arm. “I’dnevertell anyone their baby isn’t cute, though. That’s just mean.”
I laugh at that. “Then how will I know?”
She shrugs. “As a mom, I don’t think you need to.”
I rest my hand over my stomach. It’s crazy how soon she’ll be here. How soon I’ll officially be a mom. A wave of sadness hits again, but I push it down because I amnotgoing to that place right now. I am going to enjoy this baby shower.
Rae wanders away, and I continue looking at the pictures, my eyes stopping on one of me wearing a onesie that readsDaddy’s Girl.I still have that one locked away in my memory tote. One I haven’t touched in a long time.
