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“Yes.”
“Hi, Amelia. This is Darlene from Sunrise Nursing Center.” My heartbeat skyrockets. “Nothing’s wrong.”Thank God.“I was calling to check in. Usually we see you here every couple of days or at least once a week. It’s been a little while since you’ve been in, though. We wanted to make sure everything is okay.”
Guilt trickles through me. I feel like a parent who has been kindly called out by a teacher for missing their kid’s school play.
My hand drops to my stomach. That willneverhappen.
Miles walks into the room wearing gray sweats slung low and a crisp white tee. His brows furrow as he takes me in. He sets a glass of water on the bedside table, then climbs into bed with me.
“I’m sorry. I—I’ve had some personal things going on. I lost track of how long it had been.”Lie.I know exactly how long it’s been. Sixteen days. I went the night before my doctor’s appointment when I found out I was pregnant. I haven’t been able to bring myself to go in since then. “I’ll, um, be up sometime this week.”
“There’s no rush, of course. We just like to check in with families when we notice big changes like that.”
“Of course,” I say, bitterly swallowing back my guilt. “Thank you for checking in.”
“No problem. Have a good day.”
“You too. Bye.”
I hang up and set my phone down, running my hands over my face.
“What’s wrong?” Miles asks, rubbing my back.
“That was the nursing home where my mom lives.”
“Is she okay?”
I nod. “Yeah. She’s fine. They were calling because I haven’t been there in over two weeks.”
“Two… oh. You haven’t been since you found out?”
I shake my head, unable to look at him. “I’m a shitty daughter.”
He wraps his arm around me and tugs me closer to him. “You are not a shitty daughter. This is a huge life change.”
“It is, but… that’s not why I haven’t gone. I mean, it is, but… it’s not because I’m overwhelmed or need time to process. It’s because…” I sniffle.
I am so sick of crying. Life was easier when I didn’t let anyone in. Every so often I cried myself to sleep, then I got up the next morning and moved on. Now I have to face my trauma head-on. It’s dumb.
“What?” Miles asks, his voice dangerously gentle. He’s smart and sexy, a great dirty talker, but his gentleness disarms and undoes me. It makes me want to spill every secret and give in and hand him my heart.Dangerous.
“I can’t tell her. I’ll say the words, but she won’t understand them. Or she won’t know who I am. I won’t be telling my mother. I’ll be telling whatever delusions she’s having that day. She won’t be able to hug me and celebrate with me, and it’s too much. It crushes me. I’d feel better talking to my dad’s ashes. At least I might believe he could hear me.” I swipe at my eyes with my wrist. “But none of that means that I shouldn’t be there with her. She deserves better from me.”
He strokes one hand through my hair, the other dropping to my stomach. “You’re doing the best you can in a difficult situation.” He kisses my temple. “How about I go with you?”
I turn to stare at him. “You’d do that?”
To my surprise, he starts laughing. “I’m sorry. It’s completely inappropriate. It’s just…”
“What?” I ask, confused but also desperate to know why he’s laughing.
“Since we were kids, every single fucking time Rae says anything remotely like that to Aaron, he answers with ‘Don’t you know I’d do anything for you?’ It’s so unbelievably aggravating to me that I now want to say the exact same thing. Not because I don’t mean it or I don’t feel that way, but it almost seems cliché at this point.”
In spite of the situation, I laugh too. “So, what you’re saying is we’re becoming cheesy and ridiculous like them?”
He shrugs. “Apparently. Because I will do whatever you want me to do and be wherever you want me to be. I told you I’m in, and I mean it. Whatever you want or need, I’ve got you. I promise.”
I stare at him for a moment, then let out a slow breath before softly kissing his cheek. “For the record, that was a better answer.” I take a few deep breaths, then squeeze his hand. “I’d love it if you came with me. Could we go tonight?”
