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She waves a hand and shakes her head. “No. Tell me what’s new with you.” She looks up at me and the sick feeling I always get when I look into her eyes washes over me. It’s impossible to explain, but whether it’s dementia or someone severely mentally ill, there’s a look in their eyes that tells you something isn’t right. I’ll never forget when I first started noticing it. Right around the same time the extreme paranoia started. It was awful trying to figure it all out on my own.
“Are you going to talk to me or not?” she asks. My mother never used to be crass, but loss of inhibitions comes with Alzheimer’s and that includes any filters she once had.
“Sorry. I actually do have something to tell you. I’m going to have a baby.”
She stares at me, then blinks a couple of times. “But you’re just a girl.”
“I’m twenty-four, Mom.”
“Oh. Right.” She looks from me to Miles again, then says, “When did you get married? Did you elope? Get married without me?” She’s a combination of horrified, hurt, and mad. Mad is a place you don’t want people with dementia to go because they can get aggressive sometimes.
“Get married without you? No way. You were there,” Miles says.
I look at him with flared eyes, but he gives me subtlest of winks, then pulls me onto his lap and begins regaling my mom with a story about a wedding we never had, but she loves every word, filling in her own details—some of which I think are from her wedding to my dad based on some of the pictures I’ve seen.
We chat for the better part of two hours before my mom gets visibly tired and more disoriented. As we get ready to leave, she gives me a hug and whispers, “I can’t wait to meet the baby, sweetheart.”
Tears fill my eyes, but I quickly wipe them away. “I’m excited, too, Mom.”
Her brow furrows. “I’m not your mother, Alice. I’m your sister. Lord knows I’d never be like her. Get some rest.” She points at Miles. “Take care of her.”
“I will,” Miles assures her. A nursing assistant walks with her down the hall, as Miles pulls me into his arms. “Okay?” he asks.
“I have no idea, but I never really do.”
He kisses the side of my head. “Let’s go home. We can stop for McDonald’s cheeseburgers on the way.”
I smile up at him. “I don’t know how my mom feels, but you’re definitelymynew favorite person.”
He chuckles at that. “I’ll let that go straight to my head.” I smack his chest. “Seriously, ego boost of the century.”
I shake my head as we walk out of the unit, waving to a couple of the nurses as we go, then we make our way out of the building. Once we’re out in the fresh air, I look over at Miles.
“Thank you for coming with me. You made this easier on me. And the fake wedding you came up with was pretty great.”
He laughs as we walk toward the car. “That was a little bit of Rae and Aaron’s wedding combined with what I remember of the video from my parents’ wedding.”
“It was perfect. Not having to deal with all of this alone was even better.”
“I can go with you from now on. At least on the weekends when I’m in town. Once I’m back, we can go together as often as you want.”
“Thank you. I’d like that. Honestly, with being pregnant and all the feelings it has awakened surrounding this, I think a longer weekend visit with you there is better.”
“Then that’s what we’ll do.”
We walk in silence for a moment, then I glance up at him. “I hope you know, if you need me—want me—for something, I’ll be there for you, too.”
“I always want you,” he says with a sultry smile, but there’s something in his eyes that tells me he’s holding back.
I take his hand and stop as we get to the car. “What aren’t you telling me?”
He shrugs. “It seems silly in comparison to this.”
“If it’s important to you, it’s not silly. Tell me.”
“My final game is on Friday, and there’s a ceremony for all the seniors. My parents will be there, but I also get to have someone stand up with me and wear my jersey. I know we aren’t officially together, but I’d like it to be you. If that’s too much, though, Mackie will do it—”
“I’d love to,” I say, squeezing his hand.
