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“Well, I refuse to ever be used ever again so . . .” I shrug.
“Maybe there should be a third category,” Astro suggests softly. “Those who want to be neither, just like you.”
“Maybe, but that isn’t the way the world works, is it?”
“We’ve seen some of this life before, not necessarily the music industry but the rich and famous. You’re right, everyone is out for themselves. It breeds a lot of selfish people, and even those who seem nice and wholesome on the surface are usually playing that angle,” Cillian responds. “But I don’t think you are. Astro is right. You are in your own category, at least to us.”
“Thanks.” I smile, suddenly feeling very exposed and uncomfortable so I stand. “I’ll clean up. You guys can get back to work or relaxing or whatever.” Luckily, they don’t call me out on my lame excuse.
“We need to fit the cameras. She’s right, back to it,” Raff orders, and as I’m putting dishes in the sink, I feel him stop near me. I don’t meet his eyes, too afraid of what I’ll see there.
“Shame on them for using you, not the other way around, Reign. They are immoral and not worth your pain. We promise not to let anyone do that to you again. You’re not alone now.” He wanders away, leaving me staring after him.
He’s wrong though. I am alone, and eventually, they will leave like everyone else . . . or use me to get a better job. They are already getting paid to be around me, but at least that’s out in the open and not a secret. They seem like nice guys, but I’ve been fooled before.
I won’t make that mistake again.
After washing up, I head upstairs to relax, falling into bed and staring at the ceiling. Silence fills this house now, and a clawing sense of emptiness and loneliness surrounds me. When I hear Astro’s bright, booming laughter, my lips curve up of their own accord before I can stop them. I guess I’m not totally alone, and as I cuddle into my bed and listen to them chatter away, I don’t feel as lonely.
Maybe this won’t be so bad after all.
TEN
I’m up with the sun.
I never used to be. I used to sleep most of the day, either sleeping off a hangover, a night of bad decisions, or drugs. Now, the sun hits my face and I do a quick round of yoga and meditation before jumping into the shower and getting ready for the day. I find I like this new routine. I discovered it during my time away, wanting to better myself and change. Although it was hard to get up so early at first when I wasn’t used to it, it made me more productive, and I feel like I can truly make the most of my time rather than waste it. Don’t get me wrong, I love sleep, but there is always time for naps later.
I plan on heading to the studio today, so as I stare into my giant walk-in closet, I debate what to wear. Usually, I go with comfy clothes, but I have the insane urge to dress up again to see the guys’ reactions, living for the desire in their eyes. It boosts my confidence and I’m weak, so instead of my usual comfy attire, I pick out some high-waisted, black cargo type jeans that flare toward the feet and a black crop shirt with a square neckline, showcasing my ample cleavage but covering my shoulders and arms. It shows off my underboob tattoos and stomach, and I make sure to hoist my jeans higher to cover the writing I never show anyone. That tattoo is just for me, no one else. I add some high-heeled boots and mismatched gold jewelry with a million rings. Curling my hair, I pin some of it back before putting on my makeup—my signature red lip and pink and purple winged smoked liner. Checking myself out in the mirror, I realize I look really good, and I feel good too.
I’m almost excited as I head downstairs, anticipation filling me at seeing their reactions. They don’t disappoint as I head into the kitchen to find Astro, half asleep, sipping coffee and Raffiel checking over what seems to be camera angles. Both snap their heads up when I enter, their mouths open to wish me a good morning, but neither speaks as they stare at me.
Astro seems to take a drink out of habit.
“Well, do I look okay?” I smirk when no one responds.
He chokes on his coffee, and I watch as he coughs and splutters until Raff smacks him on the back, and Astro gives him a thumbs-up.
“You look . . . better than okay,” he finally gets out, his voice hoarse.
“Are you sure?” I bat my eyelashes at him.
Raff smirks at me. “Behave. Don’t be mean to him.”
“Me? I’m always nice.” I pout and purposely bend over the table and take his mug, sipping the coffee as he watches me. He glances at my breasts. Victory. Returning the coffee, I lick my lips as I lean back. “Mmm, good coffee.”
“Is it?” Picking up the mug, he places his lips purposely where mine were, keeping his eyes on me the entire time, and sips it. “You’re right, very sweet.”
Astro groans. “Jesus, you two are going to kill me. I can’t protect shit with a hard-on.”
It breaks our stare off, and I move to the cupboard and pick out a to-go cup and pour myself coffee. “Time to go anyway.” I glance back and tell them the truth. “I’ll be at the studio all day. It can be long and boring for anyone else, so you don’t all have to come. You can drop me off.”
“Where you go, we go, and I’m betting it won’t be boring.” Raff stands, buttoning his suit jacket. “Let me get the others.” He runs his eyes down me. “And warn them to hide their dicks.”
“Or maybe pluck out their eyes.” Astro groans, pouting at me. “My throat hurts now.”
“Poor baby, want me to kiss it better?” I taunt.
“Would you?” He smirks, leaning back in his chair, all charming smiles and big, round eyes. I see a dare in his gaze, like he thinks I’ll back down.
