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For my family.
I close my eyes and lay my head on the dressing table, I feel overloaded, unable to process all the changes that have happened in less than a day. I’m experiencing the oddest feeling of being trapped and being set free all at the same time, and I don’t like it. Life before might have been uncertain in some ways, but there was… a certainty to knowing I’d be working each day. A certainty of coming home and seeing my grandmother and father. A certainty to who I was in this world.
That’s all gone now.
“Oh, sorry. I didn’t know you were here yet,” Beatrix says with a start.
I whirl around to spot her in the doorway. She’s backing away, and my heart leaps into my throat at the sight of a familiar face from my old life.
“No, wait, please come back!” She freezes at my words, and I stand and walk toward the door. “How are you?”
Beatrix bows, her spine stiff, and her shoulders set. She’s wearing the same ugly burned orange uniform I’d worn a thousand times before, except hers is wrinkle-free. It’s neatly done too, just like the bun in her hair.
And it’s strange, the sight of the uniform almost makes me miss wearing it.
I force a smile, hating that my friend is bowing to me now, just because of some lie. “Don’t do that. Please. I’m the same Cassia I’ve always been. I worked here as a maidtwodays ago. Seriously, I’m just me.”
She smiles, and some of the tension eases from her face. “Why would you want to be ‘just you’ when you can be fae royal? Your life is a dream come true!”
I can’t tell her the whole truth. I wish there was someone Icouldtell, but that’d be too dangerous, even if talking this out might help me understand how I’m feeling.
So what can I tell her?
“I’m not sure I’m up for all of this.” I wave my hand in front of me. She’s better off than I am–was, but she’s got to understand the leap from bottom-rung human to royal fae is monumental. “Dating the princes? Marrying all four of them? That’s a lot.”
Beatrix half shrugs with a small smile, teasing her lips. “I mean,” she drags out the word. “Marrying four sexy fae princes and living the high life of a royal fae does sound like shit on a stick.Ew.” She shakes her head and frowns.
I can’t help but laugh. “Well, when you phrase it like that…” But I find myself sad again before I can even finish the sentence.
If only things were that easy.
“You deserve good things.” Her gaze is locked with mine. “And four fae dicks all at once, or even one at a time, sounds like good things.”
I erupt into laughter. But just as some of the tension that’s been resting on my chest starts to ease, I remember that she doesn’t know all the details. She doesn’t know that all of this is because of some fucked up magical potion. That all four princes might find their true mates at some point, and that the truth will cost me my head. But until then, I’ll be lying to three men day and night, pretending to be something I’m not. The tension returns twofold.
It’s a huge risk. More than I signed on for. And thinking of the four men I’ll be marrying, I hate the thought of hurting any of them. The princes seem so genuine. I hate thinking about the way these men are trying to win my heart because they all seem so genuine, but it's all based on a lie.
This is the first time in my life where I’ve felt like a bad person, while also knowing I can’t do anything to fix the mess I’ve created. Unless, of course, I can find a way to go back to just being betrothed to Prince Sulien, which seems unlikely.
“Thank you,” I tell her, but the words sound so broken. As broken as my heart.
Beatrix sighs. “Cassia, I’ve known you our whole lives… Can I be honest with you?”
I nod eagerly. Honesty is what I desperately need right now.
She looks uncomfortable, but takes a breath, and the look passes. “You haven’t had an easy life. The whole world has given you every reason not to trust it–”
“It’s been fine,” I interrupt, then force my mouth to close.
She continues. “I can remember when you were ten, not long after your Grandmother, had lost her eyesight and was fired from her job. You were trying to sell some jewelry that belonged to your mother to pay for food, and everyone at the market was trying to scam you. I caught you walking home in tears, because you’d thought of those people as your family, and when you needed them the most, they failed you.”
I swallow around the lump in my throat. “Sometimes life sucks.”
“And sometimes people fail you, but not all the time.” She hesitates, then pushes on. “I remember when you were twelve and the men in town started making you awful offers in trade for food and the things you needed. The same men that had snuck you treats when your grandmother was a woman working at the palace, trading with them regularly. I remember you asking what was wrong with you that they wanted those things from you. It was… awful. Awful seeing you blame yourself and awful watching you lose faith in people one day after another.”
My eyes sting. “Life can be hard.”
She takes my hands. “It can be. It has been for you, but it doesn’thaveto be, Cassia. That’s what I’m trying to say. It can have good things. It can have good people. There can be magic, laughter, wealth, and love in your life, if you’re open to it.”
