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So, cleaning it is!
I dip the filthy mop into the filthy mop water and swish it along the floor. It’s not going to get clean, but I doubt that’s what they’re concerned about. They just want me, a supposed fae, to be working for them for a change. They want to humble me. They want to embarrass me.
The thing is, I don’t care. Cleaning means I’m moving around, which means that eventually I’ll have an opportunity to escape. I just need to keep myself alive until then.
I don't know what I can do to get myself out of this, but I’m going to do whatever it takes.
TEN
Sulien
I urge my horse to move faster.Too many days have passed without any word of where Cassia is and there’s no telling what she’s enduring.My stomach twists at just the thought.I have to do the only thing I can do, no matter how foolish it is.
Craning my neck to see behind me, I spot the rest of the princes pushing their horses to catch up with me, and my jaw clenches.Wehave to do something about this, apparently. I’d tried to leave without them, tried to not involve them in what I was about to do, but there they are. I want to be pissed off, but I’m actually almost relieved they’ve come too. It feels better not doing this alone, even though it’s wrong.
The risk is… too great.
No matter what happens, I can’t let them get hurt. As much as they drive me crazy, they’re my family. Closer to me than my own parents. The thought of losing them makes my throat feel tight.
Don’t think about it. They’ll be safe. You won’t let them come to harm.
My mind shifts to my mother. I don’t know why, but if I were to close my eyes right now, I’d see her. Staring back at me with a scowl that always seemed to be etched into her face. She hated everything: my dad, me, being alive. Every moment of living was pain for her.
I swallow hard and try to focus on the journey, but my mom’s image stays in my mind. I don’t know if there ever was a good time with her. My memories are of her screaming at me for waking up in the morning, like she’d wanted me to die in my sleep. Or of her hitting me – over and over again – with no explanation as to why.
But as I got older, I knew why. It was my father’s fault. She hated that she was forced to get married. And she hated that I was a product of that marriage.
I don’t know what hopes or dreams my mom had as a young woman, but they didn’t include my dad or me, and she broke into a million pieces because of it. I was never enough for her, and man, did I try to be. I couldn’t help waking up in the morning, though. I couldn’t help that I’d been born, but she resented me so much for it. And she hated my dad. What she couldn’t do to him, I realized later in life, she ended up doing to me.
When I think of my mother and father and love, all I think about is pain. I’ve tried so hard to ignore the darkness in my mind, but its whispers are impossible to escape. Sometimes when I catch my expression in the mirror, for a minute, I think I see my father, and I hate myself even more.
Hate that I look just like him.
I shake my head and sigh, digging my heels further in to get my horse to move even faster. I was trying to avoid forcing someone to marry me.It’d been the perfect plan, and I fucked it up.
Anger and frustration stir my gut. I’d made that deal with Cassia to avoid the pain and the resentment and every other ugly thing that came from marriage. And here I am, putting another woman in that exact situation. Instead of this being about a deal, she felt forced into a marriage she didn’t want.
Did I try too hard to avoid my destiny?This is a hell of a way to pay me back. Cassia’s innocent in all of this. All she was doing was trying to take care of her family, and I presented her with an offer she couldn’t walk away from. One she no doubt regrets now.
Damn it, she probably hates me. I know I fucking hate myself. Because of me and my stupid deal, she’s in danger.I’ll never forgive myself if anything happens to her.
“Sulien, these horses need a break!” One of the Prince's calls out to me.
Break?I pull the reins on my horse to slow her down. I look at the three of them and realize we all need a break, horse and men alike.Damn it.My intention was to get help as quickly as possible, not hurt fine beasts, or good men.
I wait for them to catch up with me and speak, hoping my voice comes out steady. “Let’s make camp here.”
It’s a lightly wooded area. I can hear water flowing, and there’s good wood for a fire. It’s a proper place to rest for the night, but in all honesty, I would have stopped here regardless of what it was like.
We quietly water our horses in the creek and tie them to trees nearby before removing their gear and getting them fed. I start a fire, something that’s easy as a fae with magic, and we set our bedding up around the fire. Once we’re settled, we sit quietly on some logs one of the men had found, eating tough jerked meat and chewing on trail mix.
Part of me wants to discuss the plan, but they know the plan. Breathing more life into it feels unwise. Speaking of what we must do may bring a curse to shadow our steps, if there isn’t one already.
“Well, we’ve learned a few things from all of this, haven’t we, boys?” Cobar asks with a sad smile on his face.
Zane furrows his brows and glances at Cobar. I stare blankly. Some part of me feels like we’ve joined him in the middle of the conversation, and we have no clue what it was about.
Forrest interrupts the awkward silence. “What the fuck are you talking about?”
