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Not exactly the first thing I expected her to say.
“Why would you do that?” I ask.
“It’s not like you would understand.”
“Then help me understand!”
She looks at me, hints of both regret and pride in her eyes.
“This is what I was bred for.”
“What do you mean?” I ask, chilled to the bone by her words. She hesitates and says nothing in response, so I reach over and gently take her hand. “Look, no matter who it is that you think you are, I cannot bear the idea of losing you, to see you get slaughtered in the street like an animal at the hands of xaphan.”
Her eyes dilate. She lightly squeezes my hands.
“I’d sooner start a war with them myself than let that happen. It wouldn’t be my first conflict against them.”
“You were in the war with the xaphan?” she asks.
“On the frontlines,” I tell her, crossing my brows in thought. “I saw things that no one on this planet should ever have to see. Fuck, I’ve been witness to things that no one even has the sick imagination to think of.”
Elia moves a hand to my arm as I continue speaking.
“I had to watch people die, and not just enemy troopers, but civilians, too. Where others laughed at executing xaphan innocents, I cringed. I’ll never forget their dying faces as they pleaded for their lives, and I can’t ever forgive myself for being a part of it. I was just a soldier, I had my orders from the higher-ups that I couldn’t refuse, because… because…”
Elia strokes my cheek, wiping a tear away from my face.
“If I ever went against what I was told, I wouldn’t be able to take care of my ailing mother. I had no choice if she was to be looked after, but it doesn’t make the pain any easier.”
“So if you know what it’s like to see someone so repulsive, why do you still want to be with me?”
I look up into her welling eyes. “Because no matter what it is you’ve done or want to do, I don’t think you’re a monster. I’ve seen eyes of evil, and you don’t have them. I see pain in yours as I do with mine, and that’s why I understand you.”
A tear cascades down her cheek.
“But you don’t fully know the extent of what I’ve done, nor of the sins I’ve committed to avenge my mother.”
I gently grasp her by the shoulders, gazing at her longingly. “Then tell everything about how terrible you think you are, and I’ll show you why you’re far from it.”
29
ELIA
Can I do this? Can I divulge everything about me to this man? All of my deepest and darkest secrets have only remained known to me… But that is all about to change. Whether it’s for the best or worst, well, I’m about to find that out. Here goes nothing.
“Remember what I said about being bred for this?” I tell Azron, peering down at my open hands. “These hands… they’ve…”
My throat seizes up, the confession anchoring itself in the pit of my stomach. I feel like I’m about to faint, but I suck it up and force the words out of my mouth.
“Azron, the killer that you’ve been pursuing all this time… Well, you’re holding her right now.”
I tense up in anticipation of him turning on me, but he remains still, somehow encouraging me to say more.
“My mother’s death came at the hands of the xaphan as you already know. The one who killed her, he was my first victim. I went into it filled with rage I had never experienced before, and when I took his life, all it did was fuel me to go after all of the others tied to my mother’s death.”
Azron tilts his head, raising an eyebrow.
“I wasn’t just out to take their lives. I wanted to reap their souls and strike fear into their hearts, so I started leaving my signature from the second kill onwards. You saw the files, you know what I’m talking about,” I tell him, referring to my preferred method of killing.
