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I should be better at lying, but I’m not, especially not to children. If they were grown-ups, I could think of something, but the fact that it’s Ryan just makes me freeze up.
Ryan scowls at me. “And what exactly do you do?”
“Oh, I, uh, look for stuff. That looks like art. Yesterday, I found a pine cone that looks sort of like a cow. From a certain angle.”
He nods. He’s definitely suspicious that I’m hiding something, but he’s not going to guess that I’m dating the hockey coach he thinks is the coolest person he’s ever met. Frankly, he’d probably guess that I’m planning a heist at the Museum of Natural Art before he’d guess that.
“Anyway, don’t worry about that!” I add. “There’s pancakes! Just give me a few more seconds!”
I serve Tina and Ryan and then settle down to eat the breakfast myself. I just feel full of energy lately. I’m used to walking into the kitchen and thinking that it might be nice to make pancakes rather than cereal, but after my last date with Jaromir, I just felt like I could do it. Plus, I’m gonna get to see him again today at practice.
Tina looks at me, with a clear question in her eye. That makes me pause, but it’s not like I’ll be keeping the secret forever.
Just until it feels right to share it. Which will probably be some time.
Ryan finishes his breakfast and heads to his bedroom to get his stuff packed for school. Tina immediately leans in close to me and whispers.
“There’s no such thing as a Museum of Natural Art, is there?”
I sigh. “No. It was the best I could come up with on the spot.”
“You’re dating Coach Jaromir.”
“We went to a restaurant out of town, and then to an arcade, and then on Saturday, he taught me how to skate.”
It’s silly to tell all of this to her, but I want to tell it to somebody, and Tina already knows about some of it. Is it wrong to leave Tina stuck knowing this big, adult secret and having no one she can share it with? It probably is.
No, it definitely is, but the circumstances are all so weird and complicated. I don’t know what the right way to handle all of this is, and that makes it a lot easier to pick the wrong one.
“And why haven’t you told Ryan yet?”
I had hoped she wouldn’t be just about to ask that.“I am going to tell him,” I promise. “When the time is right.”
“And when is that going to be?”
I sigh. “Has anyone ever told you you ask good questions?”
She smiles. “Thanks!”
I can’t help smiling back. The problem isn’t so much Ryan, of course. It’s everybody else. Because as soon as Ryan knows, the rest of the team will, then the school, and the parents. And I just don’t know how I feel about everybody knowing about me and Jaromir.
They may not admit it, but I just know people will think less of me for being in a relationship with a work colleague. Especially a secret one.
But it’s not justthat, really. It’s also how real this will make everything. The moment everyone knows, it won’t just be a fun little secret between us. It will be a romance, something serious that everyone will have opinions about.
I do really like Jaromir. Sometimes, I think it would be wonderful for things to get serious between us. But other times it scares me. And it scares me more to think of it not being my choice. Once everyone knows, everyone’s involved and I’m not in control anymore, at least, not like I am now. Maybe that’s what scares me more than anything else.
It’s at that moment that Ryan pokes his head. “Did either of you see a blue worksheet for math? I can’t find it.”
I shake my head. “Sorry. Could it have slipped behind your desk?”
“Maybe.” He looks suspiciously at the two of us. “What are you two talking about?”
Tina holds up a bit of egg. “I’m just finishing my breakfast, and Aunt Melody is telling me more about her volunteer job.”
Ryan lingers for just a second before deciding to believe Tina. He disappears back into the hall and heads for his room.
I appreciate Tina covering for me even when she’s unsure about the whole thing.
