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She smiled, though it was tinged with sadness. “I’m sorry you felt that way, but I’m glad you told me now.”
Now that I’d confessed, the words came spilling out of me, along with a never-ending stream of tears. I gave her an overview of what had happened, including how everything had blown up with Jude. “And then I thought I might be pregnant—”
“Wait.” She held a hand to her chest, blinking rapidly. “Hold on. Wait a minute. You thought you were pregnant?”
“My period was a little late, but I think it was stress.”
“So youaren’tpregnant,” she said.
“Right. No. I’m not pregnant, but it made me realize that I want to be a mom. Except Knox doesn’t want more children…” My breath came in short bursts, my chest tightening.
“Deep breaths, Kendall.” Mom smoothed her hand down my back. “Take your time.”
When I’d finally calmed down enough to speak again, I wiped my tears with my sleeve.
“He told you that?” she asked.
I nodded. “In the past. Well, before I thought I might be pregnant.”
“Knox knows the joy of being a father. And though a pregnancy would’ve been unexpected, I’m sure he would’ve loved that baby so much.”
“How do you know that?” I asked, though I knew she was right.
Knox might not want more children, but he’d always been a committed and involved father. Even just imagining him holding our child filled me with such longing…
She dried my tears. “From everything you told me, it’s clear he loves you very much.”
“I love him, Mom. I love him so much it aches. But I’m scared that we don’t want the same things.”
She hugged me to her. “I hate that you’ve been keeping all this in. That’s a lot to deal with alone.”
“I wasn’t alone,” I said. “Emmy has supported me every step of the way.”
“I’m glad she could be there for you. She’s always been such a good friend. And I’m not surprised she supported you through this.”
“I’m lucky to have her.”
“How did Knox react to the test result? Or did you even tell him?”
“He was with me when I took it. The moment he realized it was negative…” The tears started falling again as I relived that moment. “He seemed so relieved.”
“How did that make you feel?” she asked in a gentle tone.
“Relieved for him. For us. I know it’s not the right time. But also—” I rubbed my hands, my arms. “Incredibly sad and disappointed.”
She nodded slowly. “That’s understandable. And it sounds like you’ve been on quite the emotional roller coaster lately.”
We fell silent a moment, then she asked, “Do you think Knox would ever change his mind?”
My shoulders slumped. “He says that he’s too old. That he’s already raised a child.”
She nodded slowly. “He’s notold, but his age is definitely something to consider. Not just in raising the child. Advanced paternal age has been linked to an increased chance of miscarriage or birth defects.”
I dropped my head to my chest. “Maybe this is too hard. Maybe I’m…” My chest tightened. “Too much. I already ruined his relationship with his son. At some point, he’s going to realize that I’m not worth all this.”
“Sweetheart.” She pulled me into her side. “Youdidn’t ruin anything. Knox was fully aware of the consequences.”
“But Jude won’t speak to him, and…”
