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“Okay…say I buy that. Still, making him wait until right before you leave…what does that do?”
“I can claim to be overwhelmed and triggered by the announcement of my sexuality and he’ll worry and throw me into therapy, and once it’s time for me to go, he’ll be almost relieved. That and a few other things. What do you think?”
I wanted to strangle him. The manipulation he thought his dad was pulling, he was pulling three times as badly. “No, Chandler. I can’t agree to that.” His face fell but I went on. “One thing, I don’t think he is playing along like he is supportive. I think he’s actually supportive.”
“Right. Because he’s either told you he has a feeling I’m gay or he’s actually gay and you’re covering for him.”
Chandler wasn’t only forward with his words, but he was challenging me. I recognized it immediately. “Chandler, you wouldn’t want me telling your dad everything, but you’re fine with me telling you about what he and I discuss.”
He smiled and I was thrown again.
Then it hit me. “Chandler, I haven’t told him and don’t plan to. That is up to you.”
That’s when his face really fell, and he looked completely dejected. I’d guessed right. He was hoping I had told or hinted to his father about his being gay. That way, it paved the road for him. If he made me mad, I’d yell at him that either he knew or he didn’t.
“Wow, Chandler, way to try to get me to do your dirty work.”
“It was a shot. I had to take it. The rest is mostly true, though. I feel like…he’s play-acting, and if he’s not, it’s only because he gets hard for guys too.”
I wanted to vomit. That wasn’t something I wanted to discuss with a kid. “Gross, Chandler.”
“Well, it’s true.”
“True or not, that’s inappropriate for us to talk about, so move along.”
He laughed and floated backward again. “So, it’s a no?”
“I’ll stand by your side when you tell him.”
“And him?”
Knowing what he meant didn’t matter. “If he likes guys, Chandler, he’s not confessing it to me. That’s the only thing I will tell you about our runs.”
“I never asked about those. Guilty conscience?”
He was having fun with me. “Enough. God, drag me out here, blind me with that white skin, and then mess with me. Nice, Chandler.”
Chandler swam back over to me and said, “I’m not trying to mess with you, per se. I just want to feel you out, see if you’d drop anything.”
“Why don’t you? Drop something? I mean, I’m here to get you ready to live in the city and at college and all that. We have yet to talk about any of it more than here and there.”
“Sorry. That’s on me. I don’t want to talk about it yet. I know I talk a good game, but I’m scared of leaving home, just like my dad. If you tell him that, I’ll know you’re just a spy for him, like I first thought.”
See, knowing he thought that was one thing. Hearing it struck me in the heart. “I’m not here as a spy.”
“Well, I’ve been making sure. We can talk about…college and me leaving later.”
“Later, but soon. How’s that?”
I got a nod and then the conversation was over as he started swimming. I felt dismissed but laughed it off. I was the staff, after all.
I read that afternoon, then helped with dinner. Phoebe showed me her secret for perfect mashed potatoes, and I promised to make my famous naan. It was the one thing I saw my mother cook and learned from her.
Phoebe was great but hanging out with her made me miss Gwen. I called her after dinner, a quiet dinner where the family barely spoke to one another, and she squealed happily. “Kanan! How’s the new job, the new place?”
“Come visit on your next day off. It’s really nice here. The property, the guest house, man, you have to see it.”
“Am I allowed?”
