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"She's here," Evan declares. "Dr. Spade, she's in the lobby. She's coming up now."
I can't tell why I tense up or feel like throwing up. I try to blame it on morning sickness, but I was feeling fine before the mention of her. She's checking up on me and the baby. So, why am I so nervous?
Sure enough, there is a knock on the door.
"That must be her," he smiles. I'm glad Evan is so chipper about the whole situation. I was hoping that by now, his positivity would rub off on me. I guess I have to wait a little more.
"Ms. Garcia, I’ve heard many lovely things about you." Dr. Spade clicks up to me in her heels and holds out a hand. I shake it, her cold skin shocking my nerves. Goodness, did she take an ice bath
before walking in?
"I'm sure you have," I verbalize.
"Well, where would you like to do this?" she asks. The machinery is being rolled in behind her by two security guards.
"The room," I stand up to lead them.
"Great, gentlemen?" She motions for the men to follow.
"This is a great space. I just need you to lie down. Let's get that back propped up by some pillows, and we should be ready to go!" I can tell someone had their morning coffee.
Evan walks in behind the men who brought the machinery and places it near the bed.
"Wonderful, thank you so much, boys." She waves them goodbye. Now it's only me, Evan, and Dr. Spade. It might be concerning that I am the least excited.
The doctor settles in, readying anything that needs to be done before she turns around with a beaming smile. "Let's begin!" She claps her hands together.
Having a checkup is as boring and invasive as always—family history, genetics, peeing in a cup. But I am glad to make it through so I can see what I've been waiting for.
"Time to check for that baby!" Dr. Spade spreads a cold jelly over my stomach and grabs the little wand. "Ready?" she requests. Of course, I am, but I don't let impatience overtake my emotions. I nod.
Once the rounded edge of the X-ray touches my stomach, I search through the gray TV static to search for anything resembling a tiny human.
"There!"
"There?"
The doctor chuckles. I'm not tickled. "It's small, but there." She tries pointing it out on the screen. I suppose I see something, but I don't want to lie.
"I don't see it."
"Don't worry, it's there," she tries to reassure. I am beginning to think I'm worried because itisthere. Soft shuffling makes me peek back to see Evan walking closer to see the monitor better. He has been silent the whole time. He says nothing. His face isn't saying anything either, but it doesn't appear too bright.
"Something wrong?" I probe.
"Hm? Oh, no, no," he asserts.
"Would you like to know the baby's gender?" Dr. Spade poses the question.
"Yes," I answer. The doctor does a drumroll on her thighs and pauses for effect.
"It's a baby girl!" she cheeses. Evan and I don't say anything. I don't think either of us cracks a smile. We must be a tough crowd.
"That's good," I sigh. That is the first thing I say today that is one hundred percent true—a girl. One step closer to making sure she will be nothing like that monster she might have come from. Now, I need to make sure her life is nothing like mine.
"Is that all?" Evan asks. And it's over.
"Would you like the ultrasound pictures?" Dr. Spade offers. Evan glances at me.
