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Oh. I see what's happening.
"Scared I'm only using you for money or something?"
"Is it not a valid concern?" he probes, straightening out a bit. I let my arms drop from around his neck. This is not heading in a fun direction.
Chapter sixteen
Dance of Revelation
"That'snotthereason,and you know it," I declare with a crooked, nervous grin, attempting to be lighthearted with my tone. It didn't work.
"I don't know that," he speaks. He waits for my answer. I shrug.
"Why reciprocate my feelings if you wanted to interrogate my intentions first?"
"It was in the moment. I wanted to know if you're…mental health was okay," he says. The way my eyebrow raises, and the sneer on my face make it plenty clear how I feel about that statement. I stand up, and he follows, crossing his arms.
"What does that mean?" I might as well give him a chance to defend himself.
"You are going through a despicable situation right now. How do I know that wasn't only to make yourself feel better?" his tone is level. Strict and to the point. He got into character fast. I try composing myself to speak in my inner voice.
"It wasn't," I state.
"How doIknow that?" he repeats.
I huff out a laugh, "What is even going on? I kissed you because I like you. It's very simple. You think I planned to be found by my ex so you could find me and let me stay with you? That was all you," I jab a finger in his direction. He doesn't budge.
"Of course not, but you were just crying on the floor over a crushed common flower, and now you're not? There's no way you could've planned any of this, which is why I think it was an impulsive decision to gain some kind of dopamine," he examines me like he's cracked the case. He cracked nothing.
"I already told you it wasn't," I affirm.
"You can't keep saying that."
This is going to be embarrassing, but I suppose we are way past that by now. I take in a deep breath. "I didn't like you when we first met, but I did think you were attractive, and I started thinking about you all the time though I thought you were an arrogant ass, and I caught feelings for you before I was finished with your portrait."
"Do you remember the nightcap we had after the interview? Remember going back to my apartment and sharing a fiery, passionate night of bliss? Hello? I liked you then! I didn't think it was anything more than one night."
"I never felt good enough for anything real with you. Entered myexto ruin mylifesome more. Fast-forward to now. I've gotten to know you better and like you more. I've wanted to resume things with you for a long time. I had the courage to do it now," I gasp for air when I'm done with my rant.
Evan stands still, thinking. His crossed arms fall, "Uh, well…that was a lot of information to get in thirty seconds." He clears his throat.
"It wasn't only to make myself feel better. I…felt like it was the right time to do it," I articulate.
Evan scratches at the back of his neck with a sigh, "I'm sorry. I haven't been in a relationship in almost…a decade? Let alone attempt any kind of romance," he says. "There's no time, and it never goes well."
"I get it," I tell. "Not exactly in the same way, but I've been too scared to repeat the problem I have now. It's so risky…though I'd like to take that risk with you if you want to with me." I retain my breath. Holy shit. I must be insane; all sanity is gone. I don't want it back.
"...I'd like to," Evan speaks. I didn't think yes was a possibility. My head snaps up at him, eyes unafraid to meet his.
"Really?" I gleefully ask. He confirms with another burning kiss.
***
I wake up convinced yesterday was a dream. There is no way that happened to me, of all people. The unfamiliar sheets tell me otherwise.
"I'm in his bed!?" I exclaim before slapping a hand over my mouth. He isn't in bed, but he could still be in the penthouse, and if that's the case, then he could've heard me scream…I need another hobby or something. Going to therapy would be a great one.
From what I remember, we had a long conversation about what a relationship between us would be like. Boundaries, pace, communication. The baby. It was…exhilarating. It's official; we are dating. Not boyfriend and girlfriend. No titles yet, but it's a big start. We went to sleep together. For safety, for warmth, and to celebrate the lonely years being put to an end. Nothing inappropriate.
