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“Not right now, Chris,” I yelled out, disappearing into the darkness of the alley, needing to just run away, to disappear for a little while. “Go home, Christian.”
The memories of me sitting hunched in the corner, shivering from fear as my father brought in man after man into that tiny little room where he kept me in that fucking house, kept on slamming into the forefront of my mind. Their filthy hands touching my teenage body, the burns on my knees as they threw me down. The aching pain in my jaw as they grabbed me, pushing their leaking dicks inside, ignoring my pleas, my cries for help. And I didn’t want to fucking remember. I didn’t want it to plague my thoughts, not right now, but I couldn’t help it.
The sound of a belt being undone, the soft humming of the air conditioning while they spread me open, fucking me raw until my throat turned sore from all the screams erupting from my lungs. They branded me with their filth, poisoned my mind, and my father laughed from the corner of that room, telling me that this was what boys like me deserved for disobeying orders.
He took away my innocence, my ability to go through the day without needing to forget. Until I'd found the solution in the happy little pills I stole from my mother, until they turned out to be a meager coping mechanism, compared to the drugs I got my hands on at the later stage.
I needed a cigarette, a drink, something, anything for fuck’s sake to shake this feeling off. I was damaged, and if Evelyn knew all of this, she would run away without a second glance.
They defiled me, destroyed my body over and over again, and now… Now I needed it. I craved for somebody else to take control. I craved the submission like I craved the oblivion only drugs could bring. I craved the feeling of nothingness, of a blank mind where I didn’t need to think about all these other things that were plaguing my mind.
I craved the release only another person could give me, and I knew it was sick, fucked up, completely depraved to crave something that once upon a time made me sick to my stomach. I yearned for the feeling to not feel anything at all, to be bent over, ravaged until I couldn’t speak anymore from the pleasure coursing through my veins, and I blamed them for this error in my DNA.
I blamed those men that destroyed me while my father watched, for craving it all.
A hand wrapped itself around my upper arm, and I almost growled as he turned me around, slamming me against the concrete wall. Christian’s blue eyes blazed with something I had never seen before, and I didn’t have even a second to think before his lips were on me, devouring me, taking control, pressing me deeper into the wall until his entire body became flush with mine.
His engorged dick rubbed against mine, stirring the pleasure deep in my loins, giving me exactly what I needed—what I fucking wanted.
A hand snuck to the back of my neck, lifting my head up, opening my neck to him. Rain fell down on us, soaking us both, but neither of us cared for the wet clothes or the chilly night. I was burning from the inside out, the desire for this man, for this feeling of nothingness, stronger than anything else.
A moan ripped from my throat as his lips sucked that sweet spot just behind my ear, my eyes rolling into the back of my head as his hand snuck down underneath the waistband of my pants and my underwear, caressing my dick with his expert fingers. His lips pressed against mine, soft, plump, needy just like my own, and I succumbed to the feelings coursing through my veins, wrapping my hands around his neck, holding him in place as I took and took and fucking took what was always supposed to be mine.
Chris growled in my mouth as I pushed my hips against his hand, needing much more contact than we were having right now. I felt empty, hollow, and I knew that only him and Evelyn could fill this void gaping open in my chest.
“God, you’re so beautiful, Kill,” he groaned between the kisses. Still leisurely stroking me, keeping me in place with his body much larger than mine. I couldn’t help the whimper that rolled off of my tongue and into his mouth as his hand tightened around the base of my cock. His teeth scraped over my stubbled jaw, going lower and lower, until his lips latched onto my neck, peppering kisses over my chest, his blond hair turning darker from the rain.
He started unbuttoning my pants, freeing my aching cock from its confines, letting the rain wash over us, as his lips wrapped around my needy head, sucking me in, hollowing his cheeks, and I knew I would never recover from the sight of him on his knees, looking up as he lapped at me like a man starved.
His fist slid up and down over my dick, matching the strokes of his tongue. Without preamble, I pushed my hips toward him, needing him more than air to breathe, and Christian delivered. His pupils dilated, desire evident in them while he brought me closer and closer to the feeling I craved—the feeling I fucking needed. I let myself fall down the rabbit hole where my best friend, the man I was in love my entire life, gave me what I wanted all this time.
“Oh, God,” I groaned, tilting my head to have a better view of him. My hips had a mind of their own, pushing and pulling, taking what my body needed as my hands tangled in his wet hair, holding him in place as I fucked his mouth. His other hand slid down his body, and I almost fucking lost it, seeing him pressing his palm against the evident bulge in his pants, seeking release of his own. “Oh, baby,” I moaned, whimpering and mewling like a motherfucking kitten as my balls tightened, the impending release on the tipping point. My entire body trembled, shivers rocked over my skin, and the electric feeling I'd only had with Evelyn blasted over me with full force, pushing me over the edge.
My vision blacked out, my eyes rolling into the back of my head as spurt after spurt of my cum erupted from my engorged dick, spilling right into his mouth. And he drank it all, moaning as my hips slowed down, licking down my sensitive dick, taking it all in.
But the post orgasm haze didn’t last long, and it took me only a second to realize what just happened.
My best friend just sucked my dick, and I loved it. No, I needed it again and again and again, and… Holy fucking shit.
“Oh my God,” I breathed out, stumbling away from him. My dick popped out of his mouth as Christian licked his lips, smiling up at me, but I couldn’t even look at him.
What have I done? What have I fucking done?
I had to get away from here. From him. From this feeling threatening to burst through my chest.
I'd wanted this for so long, but not out of pity. Not because… Because I didn’t even know what. What the fuck just happened?
“Kill,” Christian said my name like a prayer, lifting himself up as the rain started slowing down, and the cold wind picked up, slamming into us from both sides of the alley. “Just–”
“No,” I shook my head, unable to listen to him, “This shouldn’t have happened. Fuck!” I gripped my hair, pulling at the strands, but even the small flickers of pain it brought did nothing to erase the image of him on his knees, sucking me dry. “This never should have happened!” I had no idea if I was trying to convince myself or him, but when he winced, taken aback by my obvious refusal to believe that we just did this, I ran.
I fucking ran to the opposite side, tucking my dick inside my pants as I went far away from the man I loved.
From the man I needed with every fiber of my being.
And I hated myself every second of it.
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