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His shoulders shook as quiet sobs wrapped around each muscle in his body. Without thinking, without even trying to make sense of it, I dropped down on my knees, wrapping my hands around his thighs, trying to keep my emotions in check. There was something in the way he broke apart in front of me, trusting me with this information.
“We kissed,” Christian added, and I waited for the wave of jealousy to hit me, for the pain to hit me in the center of my chest, but it never came. “I, uh...” He cleared his throat. “I went down on him, because I thought he needed it. He was a mess, Ev. He was a fucking mess, and I just… I just wanted him to feel better. But as soon as he came, as soon as he realized what'd happened, he bolted, running into the night. I couldn’t fucking find him. Until this morning, wasted and barely sitting on a stool in one of our bars, drinking himself into a stupor.”
“Oh, Chris.”
“I’m sorry,” he shook out, looking down at me. “I know you two—”
“No,” I stopped him right there and then, taking his hands in mine. “A blind person could see that there’s something between the two of you, Chris.,” I smiled at him, trying to reassure him. “And trust me, I am not someone that would get angry at you for doing what you felt was right.”
“But—”
“Nope.” I grinned. “I’m glad, Chris. I’m so fucking glad, because it took me only a day to fall for him. I can’t even imagine what it was like hiding your true feelings all these years.”
“But he doesn’t want me,” Chris said, fully believing it, but I knew better.
“Trust me.” I chuckled. “He wants you. On another hand, you have all the parts he needs.”
His brows furrowed, confusion lining his face. “What do you mean?”
“Let’s just say that I wasn’t the only one getting hammered down the other day.” I grinned mischievously. “But I think that Cillian needs us both, and if you’re okay with it, I would like to stick around and find out if that’s the truth. I just… I don’t know. He feels like—”
“Home,” Chris finished for me. “Like the smell in the air after the rain. The beginning of spring,” he continued, looking down at Cillian who started softly snoring, completely out of it. I followed the line of his gaze, my eyes landing on the face of the man that was so damaged yet so kind and perfect for both of us. I couldn’t stop the emotions pushing themselves to the forefront of my mind, or the tears cascading down my cheeks.
“I want to hurt every single person that ever dared to touch him,” I said with venom in my voice, my fists bailing on top of Christian’s thighs, and I knew I meant it. If I had the chance I would destroy every single person that dared to harm Cillian.
He tried so hard to appear strong, to seem like he had it all figured out, but he needed to let go. He needed to have someone with whom he could be who he truly wanted to be. He needed both of us, and I was never letting go.
Fuck the consequences or the world waiting for me outside of these walls.
I had everything I needed right here, with these two men. I never thought my life would go in this direction, but for whatever it was worth, I was glad I'd gone to that floor just a couple of nights ago to see what was happening. I was glad that I got to meet Cillian, that I revealed my name to him.
Even with this worry deep in my gut, I knew I was where I was supposed to be.
“Evelyn.” Christian pulled my attention away from Kill, and as I looked up at him I saw in his eyes what so many other people carried whenever they found out about my ex-husband.
He knew.
“I’m sorry for what happened to you.”
“Don’t,” I bit out, moving away from him. I didn’t want to talk about it. I didn’t want to talk about the scars on my body, or the damage that Michael caused that wasn’t visible to the eye. I didn’t want to talk about the taste of blood in my mouth as he threw me into the wall, or the crack on my skull and the scar I still carried, hidden underneath my hair. “Please, don’t,” I quietly begged, but Christian didn’t listen.
He stood up, wrapping his arms around my middle, lifting me up as if I weighed nothing, and positioned us both down on the floor, right next to the bed, with his back pressed against it and me in his lap. I writhed in his lap, trying to move away, trying to run away from this overwhelming feeling, but there was no use.
Christian tightened his arms around me, pushing my face into the crook of his neck and pressing his cheek on top of my head, humming softly, calming me down.
“I don’t want to,” I sobbed, realizing I was crying. “No, no, no.”
“It’s okay, Eve. It’s okay. I got you, babe. I got you. He’s not gonna hurt you ever again.”
“I’m not weak,” I shuddered, tightening my fists in his T-Shirt.
“I know you’re not. You’re the strongest fucking person. I saw the pictures, kitten. I… I want to kill him with my bare hands for what he did to you,” Christian growled, his entire body trembling under mine as if my pain was too much to bear, too much to see even if only in pictures. “How could a person do something like that?” he asked out loud, caressing my hair, my back, giving me his strength. “You’re not alone anymore. You will never be alone, ever again. You have us now. You will always have us.”
His words opened the dam I'd kept closed for so long, and everything poured out. My fears, my need to have someone to love me no matter what, the urgency with which I ran away from Croyford Bay, never once returning in all these years… It all poured out of me, with tears and sobs and incoherent words spilling over my lips. Through it all, Chris held me, giving me his strength. His strong body was my anchor as I let go of the last pieces of that scared woman I used to be.
My body felt heavy, tiredness seeping through every pore, and even though I'd slept and stayed in the bed long after I woke up, I felt my eyes closing, sleep taking over. I let myself be swept with the current of good dreams where nothing could ever hurt me, if I had the two of them to keep me grounded.
12
