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“You’re safe now,” he said, peppering kisses over her tear streaked cheeks. “He’s never going to hurt you again. Never fucking again.”
“I know,” she said through a sob, looking at Kill and then at me. “But I’m trying to tell you that I don’t want to leave. I know you guys love each other,” she said matter of factly, and as Cillian looked at me, I knew she was right.
The two of us did love each other, the two of us had known each other since we were two broken boys, running around the streets of Croyford Bay, trying to forget about the darkness that was such a big part of our lives. We didn’t need to say the words to know how much we loved one another. I didn’t need testimonies of love, because it was already there, in Cillian’s eyes, telling me everything I needed to know.
“You don’t want to leave?” I asked her, because I needed to be sure. Hell, even if she wanted to leave, she wasn’t getting rid of us.
“No.” She shook her head, her cheeks flushed from embarrassment. “I want to stay with you. I’m tired of only breathing but never really living. I’m tired of working myself to the ground because it helps me forget all the monstrosities that fucker did. I’m just so tired.”
"Baby,” Cillian murmured, “you’re not leaving anywhere. Hell, even if you wanted to, I wouldn’t let you. I can’t. I need you.” His head slowly turned toward me. “I need you both. I’ve been denying myself for so long, and now that I’ve had it, now that I know the taste of both of you, I’m not letting it go. I cannot.”
I tightened my hand around his fingers, hoping it would tell him everything I needed to say. I hoped he would understand that I needed them as well.
I needed them to fill this black hole in the center of my chest that only stopped burning me alive when the three of us were in that bed.
Silence enveloped us, but it wasn’t the suffocating kind that made you think about all the bad things that have happened to you in your life. No. It was the kind that made me think we would be able to survive through everything if we were together.
I pressed my head to Cillian's shoulder, my other hand wrapping around Evelyn, and as her eyes slowly closed, her sobbing subsiding, I let myself believe in a better tomorrow.
I let myself believe that we could do anything.
14
EVELYN
I wasn’t lyingwhen I said I didn’t want to leave, but I couldn’t just abandon my life and spend the rest of my days in this ivory tower where Cillian lived, pretending that nothing had ever happened. I couldn’t just disappear without a trace, because people would ask questions.
Someone would come to look for me, and I had a feeling that once I returned to my apartment and found my phone, there would be hundreds of calls and messages waiting for me.
“I was supposed to go to work today,” I mumbled, still snuggling with Cillian, while Christian rubbed his hand in small circles around my back. “And while I don’t want to leave you and go back to reality, I feel like I should at—”
“No,” Cillian growled, tightening his hold on me. “You can’t go back.”
I pulled back, frowning at the man in question. Panic seeped through his irises, the tiny pinch on his face telling me that there was so much more to it than just the simple fact that he didn’t want me to leave. And I had a feeling it had everything to do with that man and his death.
“Kill,” Christian warned, but Cillian didn’t look at him.
“Please,” he whispered. “Trust me, kitten. You can’t leave. Not right now. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if something happened to you. Please trust me.”
“I do trust you,” I wiggled in his lap, feeling his hardening cock against my core, but we needed to talk before taking this to the bedroom. “But you need to tell me what’s going on. I think I deserve to know.”
It was obvious in the way he looked at me that he didn’t want to talk about it. But if he wanted me to stay, if he truly wanted all of this to work, he needed to trust me just as much as I was trusting him. I couldn’t be with someone who couldn’t trust me with their darkest parts, especially not after I'd told him what happened to me.
Christian already knew the majority of the story, but they didn’t know that one part that still made my soul bleed, and I had a feeling that no matter what I did, I would never be able to forget.
The pain.
The smell of blood in the air.
The knowledge that I would never get to meet my baby.
It still rocked my world to this day, and I had no idea if I would ever be able to wake up without thinking about him or her and what they could have been if their father wasn’t such a monster.
“I can’t just walk away from my life, guys.” I tried getting off of him, but Cillian wasn’t having it. “Kill,” I warned, looking down at him. “You gotta let me go.”
“Never,” he practically growled, and I realized that my usage of words wasn’t what he wanted to hear.
I palmed his cheek, smiling softly at him. “Hey, I’m not leaving. But I still have a job, an apartment. I’ve been walking around in your shirts, in your underwear. I can’t just move in and be done with it.”
