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He wouldn’t have allowed them to do this to me if he truly wanted me. He wouldn’t have allowed them to tie me down on this fucking table, stripping me of my clothes, and from what I could see now, only leaving me in my underwear.
It was so easy getting lost in the eyes of the person who could see you for who you truly were. It was easy for me to forget the predicament I was in because I kept chasing that one place, that location where I could finally feel at home.
I never belonged anywhere, and I never belonged to anyone, but the way he looked at me, I wanted to belong to him, no matter the consequences. I wanted to drown in the darkness surrounding Lazarus Morass, because the same darkness called my name over and over again.
The yearning in my gut pushed me forward, only to be reminded where I was and who was around us when the chains around my arms stopped me from sitting up. The illusion that lasted just a few seconds shattered into a thousand pieces, falling all around us, when the voices finally filtered through my brain.
Angry, angry fucking voices, making me grind my teeth.
Judah was talking, or rather, screaming, at Gabriel, but I couldn’t move my eyes away from Lazarus. Judging by the way he stood still, looking down at me as if he was seeing me for the first time, I sensed that he couldn’t look away from me either.
“Morass!” Judah belted out once again, destroying the moment between us. “We need to start. Now!”
The tick in Lazarus’s cheek was the only proof of annoyance, of anger living inside of him, but I could sense it as if it were my own. His fluid movements as he disappeared into the darkness and away from me reminded me of a cat, of a predator waiting to attack, and something told me that I wasn’t the prey he was planning on catching.
But he still followed every single order Judah issued, just like Gabriel did, and I wondered what it was that he had over them. There was no way that they would follow him without a reason, especially with how loud Gabriel was in his protests.
Hushed voices trickled through the air, but I couldn’t understand what they were talking about, and I was too busy staring at Judah and his satisfied smirk to pay attention to anything else. His eyes raked over my body as if I belonged to him, feeling the sickening tremor in my stomach every time he smiled down at me.
His robe was different from the one Lazarus wore, and I had a feeling that there was a reason for that.
“Why am I here?” I finally asked, unable to continue this staring match any longer. “Why me?”
“She talks.” Judah chuckled, joined by somebody else I couldn’t see. His longer legs closed the distance between him and my head, and just as he approached me, he knelt down, looking at me. “Because you’re special, Danika.” He snickered. “Because you’re going to be the first Red Maiden for the new Order I’m planning to create.”
“A Red Maiden?” I said, more as a question than a statement, with a thousand queries inside my mind fighting for dominance. “What are you talking about?”
“You’ll see,” he answered, taking a strand of my hair between his thumb and forefinger. “You’ll be perfect. A perfect match, a perfect candidate for my dynasty.”
He was sick. There was no other explanation than that. The way he looked at me, like a proud father would look at his child, made it so much more obvious that I wasn’t getting out of this unscathed.
“What are you going to do to me?” I continued questioning, even when my voice wavered, showing for the first time the fear that was slowly overtaking the anger that still lived somewhere inside of me. “Kill me?”
“Kill you!” he exclaimed, as if I had offended him somehow. He quickly stood up, looking at me and then at the others I couldn’t see from my position. “Why would we kill you?” he asked, his eyebrows furrowed, as if he couldn’t understand why I would ask such a stupid question. “You’re perfect for us. Perfect for what’s to come.”
“Perfect for what?” I gritted out. “You’re not making any sense. If you’re not doing some weird fucking ritual to sacrifice me, then what are you doing?”
“We’re not sacrificing you.” It was Lazarus who spoke this time, slowly approaching behind Judah. “We’re fixing you.”
“Fixing me?” What fucking drugs were they on. “You’re all insane. You’re fixing me for what?”
The answer I expected never came. The silence that ensued wasn’t something I needed in that moment, and I was too preoccupied with Judah to see that Lazarus walked behind me, standing now right above my head.
“L-Lazarus,” I stammered, looking up at him. “What are you fixing me for?” I asked in a whisper, terrified of an answer. His dark eyes bore into mine, as if he was trying to tell me with his eyes what he couldn’t say, but I couldn’t understand this language. I couldn’t understand what was happening.
He lowered his head, his warm breath brushing over the tip of my left ear. “Just come back to me, Danika. Find me. No matter how, find me. I’ll wait for you. I’ll wait forever for you.”
“What are yo—”
My words were lost in the scream that erupted from my throat when something sharp stabbed into the sides of my forehead. Pain like no other, like nothing I had ever felt, rushed through my head. As if on cue, my eyes closed, the world around me died, but the pain remained.
When I was a kid, I accidentally put my finger in the power outlet, and I could still remember the little shocks that ran through my hand after that. This—this was so much worse.
A thousand little shocks slammed through my head, going through my body. I felt myself shaking, my body lifting, but it was as if I watched somebody else going through it. My throat hurt, my lips suddenly dry, and I had no idea when, but someone put something in my mouth, having my teeth latch on to that instead of my tongue.
I couldn’t see anything but the black dots dancing in front of me. I couldn’t hear a thing but a loud ringing in my ears.
The memories I buried a long time ago started coming back, erupting from the little chest of wonders I created in the back of my mind. The first time my parents fought. The first time I screamed. The first time they sent me to the doctor.
