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“Why are you up?” I asked to turn the attention away.
“Emma’s having a craving.” His face morphed as he talked about his wife. Changing from the ruthless killer to the devoted husband in seconds. “She’s obsessed with French onion soup. I have it delivered daily. I’m on my way to heat up the leftovers for her.”
My lip curled at the thought. He just laughed, slapping me on the back as he walked by. “It’s crazy what you’ll do to make the girl you love happy. Especially when she’s pregnant with your babies.”
His words were like a knife to the chest. Tearing through the flesh on the way to cut out my heart. Desires and memories I’d long thought buried rose to the surface.
It was bad enough being back in this city. This house. But I couldn’t stand being surrounded by all this love.
I wanted to be happy for my friend, and I was. But I would be a lot happier from a distance. When I didn’t have to see that he had everything I’d once wanted.
Matteo’s smile fell like he sensed the shift in me. “Get some sleep,Cugino;the work starts tomorrow.”
I fucking hoped so. I’d been here a week, and I was ready to call the whole thing off. I wanted to creep back into the darkness. Wanted the distraction of a hunt.
When it had all fallen apart, I’d taken the one thing I had and ran. Using my skills over the last seven years to kill Matteo’s enemies. Lending them out to others if the price was right. And it often had been.
I became a shadow. An assassin. I’d learned to live in the dark. To love the blood. It was easier that way. And I longed to go back. As soon as this job was done, I’d disappear again.
Twenty minutes later, my exhausted body collapsed into bed. My wet hair dripped onto the pillows as I yanked them closer. I thought the vicious torture would sate me. Let me have a peaceful sleep.
Instead, I dreamed of them.
2
Adam
The TV blared as I opened my door and walked into the hall. The tiny apartment filled with the noise as I stepped into the living room. I’d spent the day cleaning, so at least I didn’t have to wade through clothes or empty food containers.
“Mom, are you going to get up today?” I asked as I stared down at her.
She was thinner than she should be. Her face was gaunt and pale as the blue light flashed across it in the dark. Her red hair was stringy and greasy, pulled back into a messy bun.
But she was still beautiful to me.
Still the mother who’d made me chocolate chip pancakes. Who woke me up just to see a shooting star. Who sang me to sleep as a kid. That was all before.
Before she’d fallen into this depression. Before she’d given up. She’d had bouts of it my whole life. But this particular one had been going on for months.
“I can’t, baby.” She whispered as she looked blindly at the screen.
“That’s okay.” I spread a blanket across her, pressing a kiss to her forehead. “I know you try.”
And so did I. At twenty-two, I’d already been working for the Gallos for ten years. Doing whatever they told me to so I could make enough money to support my mom. Doing anything I could to make her happy.
I never wanted her to work again. To worry about bills or groceries. I took on all the responsibilities so she didn’t have to. And I would never have to feel the hunger pangs again. Worry that the lights would be shut off.
I grabbed a few snacks and a water from the kitchen, setting them down on the table next to her. “I have to go out for a little bit. Will you eat something while I’m gone?”
“Sure.” She didn’t sound convincing. It wasn’t that she chose not to eat. More likely, she just forgot. Like she forgot to shower. Forgot to clean.
I squeezed her hand. “I love you, mom.”
She gave me a weak smile. “You too.”
I sighed as I moved to the front door. I pulled my jacket on before grabbing my phone off the side table and shoving it in my pocket. My hand stilled on the doorknob. My chest felt tight and itchy. My skin practically vibrating.
I glanced at the couch one more time. The sun was setting outside, lighting up my mother’s face. I felt the pull to go back to her. To take care of her.
