AllFreeNovel
Share Us
He wanted that family and partnership with Jillian.
* * *
Jillian buriedher head in her pillow, stifling her uncontrollable sobs the best she could. Despair filled her heart all the way down to her soul, grieving for something she couldn't have. After several long minutes she managed to get herself under control. No easy feat as she’d been fighting this battle all day, going through crying jags since earlier that morning, after she'd gotten off the phone with Dr. Juran.
Her symptoms hadn't gone away overnight and when she'd gotten up, the thought of waiting until Monday to talk to Dr. Juran had seemed impossible. So she'd paged the neurology specialist directly, not sure if he would answer when he wasn't on call.
He did. And he listened intently as she described how the symptoms were worse. How she couldn't squeeze an ambu bag to breathe for a patient, neither could she place a nasal gastric tube.
“Your temporary assistant called to tell me the evoked potential tests were negative, so what in the world is wrong with me?” she'd asked with agonizing frustration.
There had been a long silence and her stomach had clenched painfully.
“I'm sorry, Jillian. The temp got the test results mixed up. Your evoked potential testing wasn't negative.”
Dear Lord have mercyshe thought as she sank into a chair. “They weren't?”
“No. I don't like to give this sort of information over the phone, but I'm afraid you are in the very early stages of multiple sclerosis. The good news is that your symptoms are mild and there's a new medication regime with excellent results that has been approved by the FDA. You have many treatment options, Jillian. I have no doubt you'll practice medicine for many years yet.”
She couldn't even recall what she'd said to him, had no doubt promised to make an appointment in the clinic to see him, before disconnecting from the call and bursting into tears.
To make matters worse, she lied to Alec.
She didn't have a cold. She was sick to a certain degree, sick at heart. Because she knew the right thing to do was to break off her relationship with Alec now, before it was too late, for Shannon’s sake.
Her eyes filled with tears again as she imagined Alec and Shannon at his parent’s barbecue.
Who was she kidding? It was already too late.
She loved him. Loved being a part of his and Shannon’s life. But she knew full well Alec had no idea what it would be like to share his life with someone who is only going to get weaker and weaker, to the point she'd be dependent on him to help her get out of bed and go to the bathroom.
She squeezed her eyes shut, imagining Alec’s green eyes filled with pity. Imagined Shannon’s distress.
No, she couldn't do it.
She refused to become a burden to the ones she loved.
CHAPTERTHIRTEEN
Jillian dodged Alec's phone calls over the rest of the weekend, but each time she did, she realized she couldn't avoid him forever. For one thing, he lived too close, just on the other side of the park. For another, he was too stubborn to give up without seeing her in person. She expected him to show up on her doorstep at any moment, but he didn't.
At least not yet. But it was only a matter of time.
While it hadn't been easy, she'd used the weekend to pull herself together. She'd grieved for the lost family she might have had with Alec, but finally managed to stop crying long enough to focus on her future. She refused to walk around in a constant state of depression. Her life wasn't over, not by a long shot. In fact, the more she thought about it, the more she realized maybe it was time to consider a career change.
She loved the variety of emergency medicine but had begun to think she should specialize in neurology instead. The idea of dedicating her life to research benefiting multiple sclerosis made her feel as if she might have some control over her illness. After searching various medical websites to gather information and multiple sclerosis, she grew impressed with the various treatment options that were available. Dr. Juran hadn't been kidding when he'd mentioned the new medication regime. The stories of people who had overcome their MS symptoms, to do fifty-mile bike rides or to compete in sprint triathlons, were amazing.
If they could do it, she could, too. All she needed to do was to maintain a positive outlook on life.
Which was easier to do if she didn't think about losing Alec. And Shannon.
She dragged herself out of bed earlier than usual on Monday morning, hoping to complete her three-mile run in the park without running into Alec and Shannon. Quarter to eight o’clock in the morning wasn't exactly early, unless you took into account that her body was accustomed to second shift hours.
She was closing in on the last mile when she saw Alec and Shannon come out of their house, Daisy in tow. They saw her at the same moment and Shannon broke away from her father's side, running toward her with Daisy barking excitedly at her heels.
“Jillian! Wait up! We want to walk with you.”
She bit down on her lower lip, hoping she could do this without breaking down. “I'm sorry, I can’t stop, I’m running late. See you later.” Without slowing her pace at all, she kept right on going.
