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She looks at her husband again.
“Ya know what?” I say, standing. “It’s fine. I don’t need to know. I get it. I fucked up. I’m gonna go lie down.”
Without waiting for a response, I put my plate, fork, and cup in the sink and skulk to my room.
About an hour later, as I’m lying in bed with the television on the sports channel I don’t really pay attention to, I hear a knock at the door.
“Come in,” I call, grateful they knocked at all.
Carter walks in wearing a pair of black sweatpants and a tank top like he’s ready to work out. “Can I sit?” He gestures to the loveseat situated in this massive guestroom.
I nod and sit up, smoothing my hair down.
He sits there silently, almost to the point where it’s uncomfortable, and I just wait. I’ve known Carter for over half my life, and if there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that the strong man needs a minute to gather his thoughts.
Finally, he starts, “Listen. Don’t be hard on Tar, okay? She has this fierce protectiveness over you. She’s confessed to me that she’s scared of you and Christa together. Like... if you two didn’t work out that she’ll be stuck picking sides. I tried to reassure her that her brother will always be her brother and that her best friend will always be her best friend, but still, she persists. So, I’m going to be the bearer of bad news so my wife doesn’t have to.”
I swallow hard, not sure I want to hear what’s coming next.
“Go on,” I encourage, even though my insides are screaming in terror.
“Bottom line? Christa’s a fuckin’ wreck, man. Ever since you left, she’s dropped significant weight. She doesn’t ask Taryn to go out anymore. She barely calls or texts. A few weeks ago, she came storming in here, demanding to know when you’d be back. Taryn was hesitant, but I thought... fuck that. It’s not fair for her to be in the dark. If Taryn had left me for months with no contact, I’d be going out of my mind insane. I knew that was how Christa was feeling. So I only told her when you were coming back. She cooled down after that. Because she needed to know.”
Like a punch to the chest, I shrink back to the bed and dip my head low, unable to look my best friend in the eye. “Fuck.”
He chuckles. “I knew that’d be your response. But, bro... she’s in a bad way. She hasn’t been herself. Though, she seemed better when she left, knowing you were coming back. My question is... what the fuck is your problem?”
My head whips up. “What?”
He pierces me with those intense blue eyes. “Taryn said Christa texted you while overseas and you haven’t so much as responded. No replies. No calls. No snail mail. No carrier pigeon messages. What the fuck, man?”
I blow out a breath. “She deserves better. I only asked about her earlier at dinner to make sure she’s okay. I hoped this whole time she’d found someone else. A good guy who wanted to take care of her.”
Carter shakes his head. “Nope. Bullshit. I’m calling bullshit.”
I furrow my brow. “Why?”
“You don’t want her to find another guy. You want her miserable and wanting you.”
I sit up and point a finger at him. “No, the fuck I don’t. How could you say that?”
He smirks at me. “Because I know you, bro. You’re trying to be this... this... martyr. Like, you’re so bad and she should find someone good. But that’s not what you want at all. You want her to be here waiting for you, just so you know she’s here, but not to be with anyone else, because for her to be with anyone else would be like a shock to your heart. You can stop me anytime.”
I shrink under his scrutinizing gaze. This is not and has never been the shit we talk about. Girls. Feelings. Hell, we never even talk about sex unless it’s vague and only a mention about how it was. But that’s not what’s going on here. Carter looks pissed at me for treating Christa the way I have.
I blow out a breath. “Dammit.”
“Yeah, exactly.”
I stare at him. “What do I do?”
He stands with his hand leaning on the edge of the loveseat. “Honestly? I came in here to tell you that you fucked up and there’s probably no hope for the two of you, but when I saw the look on your face when I mentioned her name and the absolute pain she’s been in, that all changed. I mean, I still think she’d be fucking stupid to love you after how you treated her, but hey. I don’t know chicks that well. I only know your crazy sister and that’s how I plan to keep it.”
I laugh without humor. “Yeah, she’s crazy.”
“I’d suggest Taryn as the first place to start.” He walks out the door, closing it with a quiet click.
Hope blooms in my chest that Christa still wants me, but then the dark cloud of guilt I live with daily makes its appearance and lets me know that I fucked up royally and I’d be lucky if she gives me another chance.
